Calhoun

In the fall, the Calhoun coed volleyball team set the standard for intramural excellence. Many wondered whether the denizens of 189 Elm St. could parlay that success into winter dominance. To that I reply, "If you have to ax...."

The men's team is killing everyone--in a figurative, not literal sense. It's rather embarrassing, actually. The biggest addition to this year's team--literally and figuratively--Ugo "Kick me" Ude '01, has already sent a number of teams to the hospital with collective facial lacerations, metaphorically speaking. While The Daddy is the team's most powerful performer, Rasika "No one in Calhoun is to meet her" Jayasekera '99 is the team's iceman, a finesse player who's not afraid to dump the ball over potential blockers' heads for a point, literally speaking. Throw in Jacob "What are pants?" Wouden '99, the all-around wonderboy, as well as Hauke "The Hawk" Luebben '99, Matthew "How do I spell heartburn? U-A-B" Goldenberg '99, and Adam "I put the gold in" Goldfarb '02, and the team is just too good to be true.

The women haven't forgotten their fall success either, and that's why captain Celina "Can you open the Master's Office for me?" Apostolo '99 has been seen giving motivational speeches to anyone who will listen. When it comes to the rest of the team, though, she's just preaching to the choir, because Aubrey "Tattoo You" Jennings '01 and Jess "I ain't tr" Ip"pin" '00 are clearly motivated as they paraphrase Bob Dylan every time they go up for a spike, crying out, "A hard rain's a-gonna fall, bitch!" And then, of course, you've got the gritty, gutty performers. Jocelyn "Trevor" Lin"den '00 was the captain of the Canucks" '02 and Alex "Dunk me" McClain '00 do everything to help the team win, or at least look good losing.

(Compiled by an IM secretary who enjoys the editing style of The Herald's sports editors--Mike Schafer's "money" isn't what it used to be?)

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