Smack Zone

Ax
It was nice of Mike Shanahan to let Howard Griffith run those touchdowns in as a reward, but he really screwed my ass. Lucky for me, Goldenberg's a moron and bet on the Falcons, who couldn't have scored on the Little Giants on Sunday the way their offense was playing. I'm still behind Morris, but I would be winning too if I bet like a scared little girl every week. The Knicks start their title run Friday, so give me $1,000 on each of their four games this week. Put $500 on men's squash against Princeton, and $1,000 says women's swimming wins the H-Y-Ps. Last Week: +$2,505 Current Balance: $3,505.

Goldenberg
A man wiser than myself once said,"Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes the bar, well...he eats you." Well, dude, sometimes the bar is made of soap and gets dropped in the prison shower and that's roughly akin to what happened to me last week. Time to make amends. Men's hockey will repeat its performance from last weekend at the cost of 2,000 clams, or bones, or whatever you call it, and the men's squash team won't have to go door-to-door after treating the Tigers like the proverbial eight-year-olds they are ($1,500). Look for our swimmers to finish in the top three at the H-Y-Ps. (For $5, c'mon, are we gonna split hairs here?) Last Week: -$2,000. Current Balance: $1,504.

Morris
So, the girl in the bunch sweeps up the winnings. Ax, I'd rather be winning like a scared little girl than whining like one. I'm gonna go with the studs in Speedos this week; men's swimming takes the H-Y-Ps ($1,000). And I'll go to bat for a friend and say Sven takes first place in the pool at least once ($500). While we're at it, I'm all for second place or better for Tim Saunders--go James Phoenix ($500)! And Peter Baldwin (Ugs and all) takes the breaststroke ($500). I wouldn't have the privilege of stomping on my lameass co-editors if I didn't bet on men's hockey. They'll pick up a win ($750), and my Islanders will not ($1,000). So continue with your pathetic whining, boys. Apparently this Herald sports team is short some balls. Last Week: +$2,999. Current Balance: $6,499.

Guest Evan Bialostozky
Well, now that we are past that trivial Super Bowl, let's move on to the real action: the Pro Bowl. The all-powerful NFC will come out on top ($1,000), but unfortunately, no one will care ($5) (or should those bets be reversed?!?). On the always-important Eli front, men's hockey will extend its winning streak by beating Cornell ($1,000) and then Colgate ($1,000); men's swimming, led by fellow Piersonite Mike Schulte, PC '02, will take the H-Y-Ps meet ($500); and finally--so my buddy Tim has something good to write about for a change--women's hockey will pick up a W this weekend ($50). Last Week: -$1,000. Current Balance: $4,505.

Evan Bialostozky is a freshman in Pierson College.

Back to Sports...