Baby got pack: rucksack vogue

JULIA TIERNAN/YH Don't worry, baby, that's not my bag.

In recent years, the bag has transcended the mere boundaries of quotidian supermarket quandary and is now an integral elementt of almost everyone's style. Be it cavernous or miniscule, backpack or purse, Chanel or Eddie Bauer, nearly everybody needs something with which to transport his or her daily necessities.

The bag and its various permutations have always been a part of the fashion world. And more than almost any other item of clothing, it is the bag that tells the most about one's lifestyle and character.

While this may seem like a scary, even laughable proposition, there is a shocking amount of truth behind it. A backpack with thick padded straps and convenient zipper pockets, for example, is the undeniable mark of a student. Otherwise it indicates a businessman who is still using a backpack, and that is pathetic. You've seen those impenetrable, gunmetal-gray, aluminum briefcases. In this case, you are dealing with either a very pretentious executive or a mafioso hitman transporting millions of laundered dollars--both of which entail fleeing the premises.

A prevalent, albeit less recognized, bag phenomenon is the Dooney and Bourke purse-carrying soccer mom--where else are you going to keep the pre-cut orange slices? And don't forget to keep your eyes peeled for the quintessential hoochie accessory--a Polo Sport tote bag is just the right size for Chiclets, Parliament Lights, and birth control.

Even the most amateur of observers cannot deny the ubiquitous presence of the bag here at Yale. Did you actually think that an innocent accessory used to carry books to and from class could escape the all-powerful clutches of fashion, status, and my evil eye? Foolish mortal!

If there is one element of style that students always buy into, it is a schoolbag. Perhaps I am mistaken, but it has become increasingly apparent that The North Face owns a huge amount of stock in the Yale Corporation. North Face backpacks are more default here than Times New Roman on Microsoft Word.

This is not a strange phenomenon. It is perfectly attuned to the northeastern faux-rugged bourgeois look of the student body. A little scrutiny of this popular bag might lead us to question whether it is really necessary to have pickaxe holds, three water bottle compartments, and stabilizing straps to carry a 250-page notebook from one's room to the library.

The most prevalent alternative to the haute mountaineer look is the austere and utilitarian Manhattan Portage bookbag. Originally designed for the rough-and-tumble lives of New York City bike messengers, this sack with the red label has become the mark of urban sophistication for cardigan-and-booty-pant private-school girls and subversive crew boys. And don't forget to pronounce it por-TAHJ, as opposed to POR-tij--when in doubt, be pretentious, I always say.

More recent sightings of Timbuk2-toting coeds embody the backlash against the stylish, but staid, members of the Manhattan Portage gang. This messenger bag, marked with a swirling sun icon, has quickly attained status as a marker of hippie couture. The company even has an option that allows buyers to customize their vehicles of book transportation. You choose which colors of nylon you want the sweatshop workers to piece together and, voilà, fashion statement made.

That statement, unfortunately, is questionable at times. Judging from the color combinations that have rankled my retinas lately, it is time to take away some students' designer licenses. Either that or force them to switch to the handwoven, tasseled, rainbow, goat-motif Guatemalteca saddle bag--the accessory of choice for white ethnophile "womyn" who love to eschew
legitimacy.

Good old ugly and dependable Jansport, with its trusty leather bottom and Navajo inspired trim, does not rule the local roost. Students have turned the innocent bookbag into an all-out fashion, style, and status war. With recent choices such as Prada, Kate Spade, and Coach all gaining popularity, it has become increasingly obvious that the young consumer is taking no prisoners in the war of the book-carrying accessory.

The days of mindless back-to-school shopping are no more. Choose a schoolbag and you choose a way of life. Or be like me--get a Prada bag, a Polo Sport backpack, a North Face laptop carrier, and a Hilfiger messenger bag. After all, I've always been bad with decisions...

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