ELItorial: Tyson: the man, the myth, the moron

By Joey Ax

COURTESY NEWSMAKERS Why do we still put up with Iron Mike?

All is right once more in the sports world. The Knicks are back on the court and already underachieving, Duke is atop the rankings, and everyone still ignores the NHL. So it wasn't too surprising to anyone that Mike Tyson, who used to be a boxer or something, was sentenced to jail on Fri., Feb. 5, for assaulting two men with whom he had a minor car accident last August. Quick, pop quiz: when you're an ex-convict on parole, and you get into a car accident, do you a) walk away, or b) attack the other guys in hopes of getting arrested, going to jail, and throwing away what's left of your once-promising career?

Apparently Tyson, displaying all the wisdom and grace we have come to expect from him, kicked one of the men and punched the other after the fender-bender. One of the men was 5'6" and 150 pounds, and the other was 62 years old. Wow. Maybe Tyson was just trying to defend himself.

Of course, we should be fair to Iron Mike: he was under a lot of pressure. He was suing Don King for allegedly stealing uncounted millions over the course of their relationship, he was heavily in debt, and the IRS had threatened to take away his home.

But Tyson's problems are largely self-inflicted. He should have dropped King like a bad habit years ago. The man is dirtier than Tyson's jock strap. As for Tyson's debt, anyone who makes more than $20 million for one night's work and manages to fall into massive debt needs to have a serious talk with his accountant. Oh, and the IRS wants to take away his house? Last I checked, Tyson had three mansions, each approximately the size of the White House.

Maryland Judge Stephen Johnson, facing a convicted rapist who has shown a pattern of criminal behavior, had little choice in the sentencing. Although Tyson faced a maximum of 20 years, Johnson gave him a two-year sentence, with the second year suspended, and could be out in six months if he is paroled. His legal troubles, however, don't end there. Indiana authorities must now decide if Tyson's jail sentence violates the terms of his parole stemming from his rape conviction in 1991, which doesn't seem like much of a decision. And after that, the Nevada State Athletic Commission might revoke his boxing license again.

Even assuming the judge permits Tyson to fight during his jail term (now a possibility)--who cares? The prospect of another Tyson fight is about as exciting as a Chicago White Sox-Oakland Athletics doubleheader. If he is allowed to box while imprisoned, Tyson will undoubtedly need a "comeback" fight, which means Tyson vs. Some Guy Who Sucks. Iron Mike himself isn't much of a fighter anymore. His physical skills are deteriorating. Anyone who watched Tyson's last fight saw an over-the-hill boxer lose four of five rounds to a guy named François before a lucky right saved the day.

The list of Tyson's mess-ups goes on and on. He was arrested 38 times before the age of 13, expelled from high school, accused of abuse by his ex-wife, actress Robin Givens, convicted of battery against two women who tried to resist his advances, found guilty of rape, and banned from boxing following the Holyfield ear incident--Mike Tyson is a disturbed person. In the midst of criticizing him for his imprudence and hating him for his actions, I can't help but feel sorry for this obviously confused and unbalanced individual. Listen to what Tyson had to say about his possible jail time five days before the François Botha bout: "I'm Mike, and Mike is going to be Mike. I'm not what people portray me to be, but it's easy to portray me." Huh? Anyone think maybe this guy needs a little counseling?

The funny thing about Tyson is, even when he demonstrated that he wasn't the same fighter after getting out of jail in 1995, people didn't care that much. Tyson was entertainment. Thankfully, now that entertainment seems to have finally run its course. Not only have we lost interest in Tyson as a boxer, we have lost interest in him as a diversion. He has become a spectacle, a circus freak show that everyone has seen one too many times. We have grown tired of the incomprehensible speeches, the inexplicable criminal acts, the asinine behavior. The mere fact that I'm writing this may suggest that Tyson has not lost his allure, but when he gets out of jail and attempts to reinvent a faded career for the last time, he will find that people don't even care enough to despise him. Those huge paychecks won't be coming anymore, Mike. Better get a new accountant.

Back to Sports...