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CalhounQuestion: how can one explain the winter swoon of Calhoun College? Answer: pity. Yes, folks, the members of Calhoun drew up their winter rosters and saw that indeed, they were too strong for competition in the Yale intramural program. The season wouldn't be fair, and they knew it. So, to make things a little bit more interesting, the denizens of 189 Elm St. have chosen to take a number of athletes out of circulation and let a select few lead Calhoun to future glory. Plus, it pleases the gamblers, and after all, they're the lifeblood of intramural sports.Obviously, the Calhoun athletes don't want to make it look like they're just letting the opposing teams win, so they only win when they want to. Just ask Alex McClain "Deluxe" '00, who has braved the pool for her love of innertube water polo, along with Master "Big Willie" Sledge, Sarah "Paint it" Black '99, Will "I'm not like Matt Morgado, thus I don't live in the" Taft '00, and stalwart goalie Dan "I like hair on my face, not on my head" Levy '00. Not only have the members of Calhoun chosen to level the playing field--as well as answer to the bookies running rampant in the basement--but they have also decided to pull a move reminiscent of Hal in Henry IV, Part One, redeeming themselves in the spring in such a way as to become like the sun. I'm not exactly sure how that will transpire, but I'm sure it will be really, really good. In fact, one might say that in about three months, Calhoun will, like Hal, again be collectively asking the rest of Yale's residential colleges, "What's up now, bitch?"
(Compiled by an IM secretary whose propensity to owe people cookies is matched only by the sheer arrogance with which he liberally paraphrases Shakespeare.)
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