Calhoun

First things first: spring break offers a chance for the 'Houn to take a page out of Jack Siedlecki's book. Many Calhoun athletes will remain on campus, working out with Strength and Conditioning Coach Steve Plisk, honing their skills and getting closer to enlightenment.

Early reports indicate that this regimen will bring forth performances unparalleled in IM history. Take Jacob "Richard" Wou-den '99 for example. He's now benching 450, running the 40 in 4.3, and teaching himself Chinese, Hindi, and Greek, thanks to Hooked on Phonics--and spring break hasn't even started yet. Look for him to dominate on the volleyball court and the Ultimate field.

But Jacob isn't the only one. Jerad "Richard Bergman" Beltz '00, a star on the baseball and softball fields, can now lift a small European automobile and hopes to be flipping Cadillacs by the end of spring break.

Don't think that this is only open to guys, either. There's always Alex "Noel" Mc-Clain '00, the five-sport spring star whose use of marginally legal performance-enhancing drugs have made her an intimidating presence on the IM fields. More than a year after being nearly killed in a collision with Chris "Pope" Elco '98, Alex is now ready to dish out some pain.

I don't have the space in this column to talk about everyone who is staying over spring break, but suffice it to say that with Rasika "Priya" Jayasekera '99, Greg "Aran" Magee '99, Matthew "Nelson" Golden-
berg '99, Sarah "Peck" Black '99, Aubrey "Megan" Jennings '01, Jessica "Theresa"
Ip '00, Adam '02 and Will '00 "Vilko" Goldfarb, the indomitable Will "Howard" Taft '00, and a host of others (hopefully including more than two or three athletes from the class of 2002), the 'Houn will soon return to where we left off after the fall. And even if we don't, we'll still beat the crap out of everyone else. We'll be back and better than ever this spring. Calhoun athletic dominance will continue behind our andro-pumped leaders.

(Compiled by The King.)

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