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Smack Zone
Ax
Welcome back to my world. I decided that instead of
talking a lot of trash about my idiot co-editors, I would simply make my bets,
win lots of cash, and reduce Morris and Goldenberg to sniveling, impotent
ghosts of their former Smack selves. The Knicks will shock everyone and beat
the Lakers this Sunday ($1,000). Despite Cleaves' efforts, Duke wins by at
least twelve ($800) while UConn stuffs the Buckeyes by 10 ($800). Softball
sweeps all four games this weekend ($750 each). Both lax teams win on Sat.
($500 each), and women's tennis beats up on Rutgers ($500). Oh, and Gretzky
leads the Rangers past Morris' pathetic Islanders ($900). Last Week: +$695.
Current Balance: $6,155.
Goldenberg
After a relaxing spring break, I have come to two major
conclusions. Number one, Don King sucks, but I'll be damned if I sit by meekly
and watch a Limey walk away with Holyfield's hardware. Number two, Duke could
beat the Knicks and the Lakers (without the Worm), but it won't be able to
handle the Cleaver ($1,000). Speaking of fast food, Big Mac will knock a homer
on opening day ($5,000), and the Big Unit won't ($1,000). Bob Dole will
exercise his own big unit, as Liddy gets giddy courtesy of a Viagra-sponsored
woody ($1,000). And finally, Claire will once again bring home the proverbial
bacon as The Mod Squad finishes first at the box-office ($2,000).
Last Week: +$990. Current Balance: $1,999.
Morris
It's Friday night...you're sitting here reading the
Herald instead of getting wasted with your buddies. Yeah, you're cool.
I'll bet you don't get laid tonight ($10). I'll bet the Lakers lay out the
Knicks without a problem ($1,000). Then I'm gonna take a major chance and
probably lose all of my money by saying whoever the hell the Islanders haven't
traded off yet will show up and rock the Rangers ($750). UConn's going to shoot
a load in OSU's Buckeye ($2,000) only to take it B-side from Duke on Monday
($2,000). So enjoy reading the rest of the paper, and try not to get any on the
sports page. Last Week: -$775. Current Balance: $7,479.
Nola Breglio Guest
Hi, kids. The Smack Queen makes her return at last. Why
the hell didn't you ask me sooner? Didn't I win by like $50,000? Smack
has been getting downright nasty lately--it's time to bring some class back to
page 26. My heart's not really in this bet since St. John's flopped last
weekend, but Duke ($2,000) will beat Scoonie and his boys ($1,000) in a
lopsided championship match ($1,000). Speaking of broken hearts, the Knicks
have been deflating my spirits night after night lately, but I still say
they'll avoid sinking to .500 and rally to take Phoenix and the Lakers this
weekend ($2,000 each). Last Week: -$578.40. Current Balance: $1,231.86.
Nola Breglio is managing editor of the Herald. If you were as
smart as she is, you'd be the Queen of Smack, too. But sorry, you're not.
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