Chelsea Clinton to transfer to Yale

KENNETH LAMBERT/NEWSMAKERS The William Jefferson Clinton Memorial Yale Admissions Office.

Move over, Claire. Come September, there's going to be a new famous face in town.

The Herald has learned that Chelsea Clinton will enter Yale as a member of the Class of 2001 this fall. Clinton, who enrolled at Stanford University in fall 1997, has been on leave from the California college since mid-December.

"We are delighted to welcome Chelsea to the Yale community," Dean of Undergraduate Admissions Richard Shaw said in a statement acquired by the Herald that will be released Mon., Apr. 5. "She has proven herself to be a remarkable young woman in numerous respects and has much to offer us, just as we have much to offer her. We're thrilled that she has finally chosen the right university."

While Yale has not yet made Chelsea's decision public, White House Press Secretary Joe Lockhart confirmed the news. "Chelsea will be attending Yale this fall," Lockhart said. "She's ready to resume her studies at a place she feels is better suited to her needs."

From White House to Old Blue

"Chelsea was one of our top applicants last year," Associate Director of Admissions Walter Backman, ES '81, said. "We were really hoping to get her to come here. When she chose Stanford instead, we were quite disappointed."

Backman, who has worked at Admissions since his graduation from Yale, was Chelsea's interviewer when she visited the campus in April 1997. "It was clear to me that she was an extraordinary kid," Backman said. "In our interview, we talked for nearly two hours--that's incredibly rare--and she told me about her trips with her parents to Africa and the Middle East. I was impressed by her composure, her poise--really, everything about her."

Backman said he was shocked when he received a phone call from the White House on Wed., Mar. 31. "I had no idea this was going to happen," he said. "None of us at Admissions did--at first, I thought it was a prank."

But a prank it wasn't. After speaking to President Bill Clinton's, LAW '73, personal secretary, Backman was sent Chelsea's transcripts from Stanford and the Sidwell Friends School as well as a Yale transfer application, via FedEx. An impromptu meeting of the Admissions Committee was called in the morning; all were in favor of admitting Clinton, whose application made it in just 24 hours before the deadline of 5 p.m. on Thurs., Apr. 1.

"There was never any doubt that we were going to admit Chelsea Clinton," Admissions Committee member Ralph Santana, PC '79, GRD '83, said. "The only real question was which residential college we should place her in." Though most undergraduates are not assigned to a college until June, Clinton had to be placed right away in order for security preparations to begin.

RICHARD ELLIS/NEWSMAKERS While Jodie Foster, CC '84, had the inside track for 2001 Class Day speaker with the Danes connection, now Bill, LAW '73, enters the mix. Let's just hope it's not Kofi Annan.

According to Backman, that decision wasn't particularly difficult either. "Chelsea stayed in Silliman when she visited two years ago, and in our interview, she told me how impressed she was by the people, the facilities, and especially the cute, cute boys," he said. "There are a lot of athletes in Silliman, and Chelsea tends to like athletic men--she really goes for their washboard stomachs and tight buns. That part wasn't on her application, but I could tell by looking at pictures of that no-neck swimmer she dated at Stanford."

But the question remains: why did Chelsea choose to forsake the gorgeous, sunny confines of Stanford in favor of the slush-encrusted wasteland that is Yale? Although Shaw's statement cites Chelsea's "academic and extracurricular compatability" with Yale, as well as New Haven's "relative proximity to her parents in Washington," as explanations for the First Daughter's transfer, a host of other reasons may lie behind her decision. She may want to attend a college close to New York in case her mother needs her on the campaign trail next year. And there may be other, more personal factors at stake, including the rough end of her relationship with Stanford junior Keith Miller.

"The breakup was really rough," Stanford sophomore and Friend of Chelsea Katherine Hernandez told the New York Post in January. "When Keith dumped her, she stayed inside for a week, just crying. She told him she never wanted to see him again, and she threatened to have a Secret Service guy go to his room and beat him up with a bicycle chain. I don't think she ever went through with it, though."

When the Herald contacted Hernandez, she spoke at greater length about Chelsea's decision to leave Stanford. "Her parents always really wanted her to go to Yale, 'cause they were both alums and all," Hernandez said. "But she really wanted to get as far away from them as possible for a little while. She also wanted to get away from those bitch Gore daughters at Harvard. She used to tell me how they would chase her around the White House, calling her `Smell-sea' and torturing Socks for no reason. She hated those girls and was afraid they'd come down from Boston and mess with her head."

According to other Stanford students, Chelsea never really fit into the social fabric of the California college at all. "Chelsea, like, totally hated it here," Stanford sophomore Kelly Teufel said. "It was like she didn't fit in sometimes. You know, like, we'd ask her to go out with us to the CoHo to get some FroYo, and she'd say `What?' like she didn't understand us or something."

Freshman Amber Carter remembered, "Chelsea didn't understand what Stanford was all about. I don't think I saw her tossing a Frisbee or playing hacky sack even once. It was like she just didn't get it.

"By the way," Carter added, "Is it true that Yale's getting Rusted Root? 'Cause that would be awesome."

Red Hot & Chelsea

The entire Ivy League was dying to admit Chelsea. But according to Rayenne Knight, SM '00, the reason Clinton eventually chose Yale is simple.

Knight, with whom Chelsea stayed during her April '97 visit to New Haven, suspects that there was one thing about Yale that truly struck Chelsea: singing groups. "I went with Chelsea to the Bulldog Days A Cappella Funzaar," Knight said. "She kept commenting on how talented all the groups were. When Mixed Company told the joke about the difference between a blimp and 365 used condoms, she was rolling in the aisles. And when Red Hot & Blue sang their unique, jazzy version of `On Broadway,' I swore I saw her shed a tear. She told me she'd never seen a vocal performance delivered with such professionalism and panache--and she saw Stevie Nicks sing at her father's inauguration."

Knight just may be right. "During our interview, Chelsea repeatedly asked me how many singing groups there were at Yale," Backman said. "When I told her there were 14, she could hardly believe it."

When Backman asked if Chelsea was interested in joining one of them, she claimed she was "too shy." Not anymore. "Apparently she's overcome her fear and is ready to go through the exciting `rush' process: being mercilessly judged by a group of her peers, vying for approval while she fears for the future of her social life," Backman said. "After seeing her father go through an essentially identical ordeal and come out okay, she must feel she's ready for it."

Totally do-able

Whatever Chelsea's reasons, the members of the Yale community seem enthusiastic about the prospect of having a real live member of the First Family among them next year. In an informal poll conducted by the Herald, 30 out of 45 undergraduates responded that Chelsea is "the bomb," 14 said she is "totally do-able," and one referred to her as "a fire-headed hand-maiden of Aphrodite herself."

"She's awesome," Kelvin Chapman, SM '02, said. "I'm so glad she's going to be coming here next year. I can't wait to, like, see her in the dining hall and say, `Whoa, that's Chelsea Clinton.'"

Administrators concurred. "I am delighted beyond all expressible emotion," Yale College Dean Richard Brodhead, BR '68, GRD '72, said. "But I must remind the members of the Yale community to exercise maturity when encountering Chelsea. Prying into her private life is futile. Futile, I say!"

President Richard Levin, GRD '74, voiced a similar sentiment. "The arrival of Chelsea Clinton on campus will once and for all cement Yale's reputation as the place for America's famous teenagers to go and rub elbows with the best and brightest," Levin said. "Last year we got Claire Danes, CC '02. Now we have Chelsea. Next year, maybe we'll be able to get Britney Spears."

Yale College Council President Zach Kaufman, SY '00, remarked, "I'm thrilled that Chelsea will be joining us here at Yale. As president of the Yale College Council, I'd be honored to show her around Yale's nooks and crannies, such as the Sterling stacks, the steam tunnels, and the top of Harkness tower. I have a key."

"Chelsea is going to do fantastically here," Vernon Baislin, DC '99, said. "My friends have told me that four different senior societies are already lining up to tap her, and she's only a goddamned sophomore. I'm a senior and the editor of a publication, and I sure as hell didn't get tapped. Not that I would have wanted to take part in their stupid little elitist circle jerks anyway."

Technical difficulties

But Chelsea's move to New Haven may not be completely seamless. "There may be some problems with the transfer of some her credits from Stanford," Backman said. "Some of the courses in Stanford's core curriculum, such as From Dude to Slightly Older Dude: The Films of Keanu Reeves and Environmental Studies 110a: Local Marijuana Plantations, just aren't transferable." According to Backman, Chelsea will have to make up six course credits if she hopes to graduate on schedule in May 2001.

Additional difficulty will arise when Chelsea moves into Silliman in August. "We had to give her half an entryway for security reasons," Silliman Master Kelly Brownell said. "As it stands now, one lucky sophomore is going to be sharing a quad with three guys in dark suits and sunglasses."

Brownell also mentioned that Silliman plans to cancel its annual spring "assassins" game next year. "Apparently, three students got shot to death by the Secret Service playing assassins near Chelsea's dorm at Stanford last year," Brownell reported. "We'd really like to keep that kind of thing as far away from Silliman as we can."

But whether her transition is smooth or chunky, Chelsea will definitely be coming to Yale next year. "We have no doubt that she'll be here, and no doubt about the tremendous amount she'll add to the Yale community," Backman said. "She's very similar to her father. Both make incredibly strong impressions on the people they encounter and the places they go. Like her father did, we expect Chelsea to leave a lasting, indelible mark on the Old Blue."

  As far as we know, this story is wholly fictional. Happy April Fool's Day. --the Herald

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