Smack Zone

Goldenberg
Howdy from 'Bama, where the sun always shines and the smacks always slap you in the ass. I'm going to send Ax to his next seder in tears after this week of bitter herbs. Women's tennis rocks the house this weekend ($1,000), while my roommate gets to know one of its newest members. Another $1,000 says Jordan doesn't make a comeback anytime soon. Hey, you gotta make some cash somehow. Here's to being daring; Mac hits a homer on his first day out ($750). It's about as likely that Big Mac will go long as it is that Ax or Morris are going to take it good and proper from this week's betting line. Have fun, kids. Goldie's back. Last Week: +$2,000. Current Balance: $3,999.

Morris
Hi, I'm Mike Krzyzewski. On weekends I have threesomes with Joey Ax and Dave Goldenberg. In my spare time I like to blow NCAA titles, among other things. Okay, all hostility aside, I'm going to get smart and realize the Islanders suck. This weekend, $1,000 says they get crapped on by the Mighty Ducks--how embarrassing. In the spirit of beer bellies, packing dips, and scratching balls (no, I'm not talking about the Beta boys...), I'll put $1,000 that Yale baseball takes a win over the weekend. And stick your oars in the water and smoke 'em. Lightweight crew beats M.I.T. ($1,500). Last Week: +$250. Current Balance: $7,729.

Sharon Lin Guest
Some Knicks-loving blonde got the Guest $2,000 in the hole, but despite taking a beating on my NCAA chart (Duke! Maryland, my Maryland!), the first Smack Queen's back. So much has changed in the year since I dominated this space with my fellow Midwesterners. MJ was still around, homerun summer was still spring, the Lady Vols were unbeatable, and Red Sox fans sprang eternal. Here's $1,500 on women's lax crushing the Crimson, Utah over the Lakers ($500), and two final wagers on the Bulls (which are no longer givens, CB)--$230 for a return to the glory days in Cleveland and $23 on a miracle over the Pacers. Last Week: -$2,000. Current Balance: -$2,528.40. Back to Sports...