Ezra Stiles

Company: The Other 11 Colleges

Title: Professional Moose Killer

Wage: To be determined based on pain tolerance, ability to heal, and lack of fear/common sense. Excellent medical benefits.

Location: IM fields.

Openings: As many as we can afford! Start: Now! Soon! Please?

Company description: An organization of scared individuals originally formed by the college of Timothy Dwight, The Other 11 Colleges constantly seeks to defeat the fierce spirit and amazing athletic prowess of the Ezra Stiles intramural participants. Our motto: "Even if we can't win, we try to look respectable."

Job description: Human punching bags/semi-athletes needed to play numerous intramural ../sports.

Job qualifications: Ability to resist the gorgeous warrior women of the undefeated Stiles-Morse field hockey team. Ability to hit, bump, and serve as well as the members of the undefeated 4-on-4 volleyball team--or at least handle being hit by the ball without crying. Knowledge of how to score more than six runs against the undefeated softball team a plus. Candidates with a degree in Humiliation Studies preferred.

Responsibilities include: Chasing after the super-fast Stiles Ultimate players and sacrificing life and limb to charge at the incredibly skilled Stiles soccer players. This is an desperate entreaty.

Send résumé to:

The Other 11 Colleges

345 Temple St.

New Haven, CT 06520.

(Compiled by The Goat Farmer, who wants to thank all the awesome sophs and juniors played or captained IMs this year--I'll miss you all!)

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