Smack Zone

Okay, so Morris is still in first. Of course, I could stoop to her level and bet, say, that today is Friday, but I prefer to keep my dignity. Man, I had a bad week. Even Goldenberg is beating me now. That's okay, though, because I'm sleeping with his girlfriend. Men's tennis opens the Ivy season with two wins ($600 each), while women's tennis does the same ($600 each). Softball goes six-for-six on the weekend ($750 each); my former crewmates take out Dartmouth ($1,000). Louis averages a 76 ($760) and Snail drinks a lot ($200). Morse softball and Ultimate kick ass ($800 each), and my team is still better than Heller's ($500). Last Week: -$1,800. Current Balance: $4,655.

Goldenberg

You know it's finally spring when your science teacher shows slides of different animals having sex during class. Or when you walk out onto Cross Campus and can hardly see due to the sunlight reflecting off the pasty whiteness of your co-editor's usually covered midsection. Or when the Braves win all of their games this week ($1,000). Or even when both of Yale's men's varsity eights take their races on the weekend ($2,000). But the main way to know that winter has finally left the Elm City is when Yale teams combine to win at least 10 contests over the weekend ($3,000). Or when the calls from Joey's mom start up again.

Last Week: +$750. Current Balance: $4,749.

Morris

If you're reading this Smack on a Friday night, I'll bet you're stroking it ($5). Speaking of stroking it, lightweight crew spanks Penn and beats Columbia as their woodies cut through the water ($1,000). As long as we're playing with our discs, ultimate frisbee throws a bone to the Crimson ($750). And in the last futile attempt of the home season, the Islanders try to get hard enough to stick it to anyone who will take it this week. A win against anyone will do ($750). So, if you're looking for the balls of this bunch, looks like the whole package is right here.
Last Week: +$1,500. Current Balance: $9,229.

Mike Gelfand, Guest

I've got that self-loathing and doubt thing going on again, so I'll cover my bets with $100 on each of you kicking my butt (and no, this doesn't count, so don't be getting all meta on me, smart-ass). On a more practical front, the Lakers will win two of three ($600), with Kobe scoring over 20 ($150 apiece). I don't feel like doing research, so I'll bet $250 that some Yale team wins the first event after this comes out, and another $250 that we'll lose the fourth. By a lot. Oh, and Saddam Hussein cares what Zach Kaufman, SY '00, thinks (-$10), says (-$10), and does (-$10). Really, he does. Last Week: +$1,747. Current Balance: -$781.40. Mike Gelfand, JE '01, won Pick the Pros for the second time this semester.

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