Summer? I hardly even know her

COURTESY J.CREW Don't lose your head over fashion

An easy, appropriate wardrobe is necessary no matter what one does, whether it's crunching numbers at Andersen Consulting or doing crunches at Venice Beach. In a fashionable farewell to all you foolish mortals--er, loyal readers--who have faithfully pursued fashion truth, I present sagacious and rapacious fashion witticisms to keep you looking your summer best no matter where you are or what you're doing.

Yale students have finally come to the realization that an American studies, history, or political science degree is the logical precursor to a career in investment banking (just as I have discovered that a degree in Soci-obvious is the perfect route to a fashion-writing career). Multitudes of Yalies will catch rays from the windows of an office on the 274,000th floor of a New York high-rise, bask in the steamy heat of the Xerox room, and swim through seas of stocks and bonds this vacation.

But battling the bear market instead of beach bumming doesn't mean one must spend the summer without comfort, style, and fun. A few tricks will beat the suit-and-tie blues and keep you trendy while trading equities.

Your No. 1 mission is to stay cool. Keeping fabrics as breathable and as lightly colored as possible will help you maintain your composure and stop sweat continents from forming in front of your boss.

Although linen is popular during the summer, you will look like one big wrinkle by the end of the day. Both men and women should take advantage of lightweight cotton options in relaxing colors, such as the chino three-button suitings being pushed by Banana Republic this season. If the dress code refuses to bend--and swarms of Stepford corporate cuties on NYC streets warn me it probably won't--then you'll have to find other ways to retain style and comfort in the workplace.

Men must make sure to buy suits in lightweight tropical wool. Keep your look fresh by experimenting with single-button and three-button styles or straight and wider-legged pants (remember: pleats are fruits of the devil). Try polished, square-toed lace-ups instead of pointy wingtips. You can get more mileage out of a few suits if you mix and match lots of shirts and ties. Trust me--you will catch some eyes and command respect with bold or graphic ties, so leave the Space Jam, Snoopy, and Jackson Pollocky pukish neckwear for Father's Day.

Prevailing fashion theory pushes "mixed separates" dressing and alternatives to the suit for working girls. Chic execs might get away with a silk twin-set or even a stylish boatneck top. Taking skirt length tips from Ally McBeal is about as wise as Calista Flockhart writing a Third World cookbook. You will remain smart and sexy in stretch cotton or light wool above-the-knee-length skirts, slit optional. Pants are a viable option as long as they are full-cut and fitted at the top or bootlegged (not tapered). In a desperate plea to my generation, I beg the daughters of Eli not to pair any of the following with a suit: white tights, gym socks, or running shoes.

So maybe you overslept and missed your interview at J.P. Morgan. None of the above wisdom applies to you. Tanning in Thailand or traipsing through Tunisia still requires fabulous and convenient summer gear. If you must live out of a suitcase this season, think light, packable, and multi-purpose. Everyone can throw in some shorts (cargo for guys, extra-short for girls) and a pair of chinos. Mixing and matching, the key to any summer-voyage wardrobe, will be easier if travel wear is unified--are you sticking to neutrals and earth tones or to darker shades?

Like any Boy Scout, one must always be prepared. Dining at Paris' Hotel Ritz is as easy as torte if you roll a button-up shirt or a little black dress in your carry-on. Unless you're touring the Amazon (piranhas in the Prada carry-all? Quel horreur!), you'll most likely experience a few brisk nights abroad. Enjoy the evening chill-out with a deftly packed light cotton sweater or cashmere cardigan. Clearly the most portable summer travel duds are bathing suits. I strictly forbid Speedos--even in France. Your only swimwear dilemma should be whether to go sporty and logo-laden, à la Hilfiger, or sleek and chic like Calvin Klein. Simply roll it in a ball and stuff it in a pocket when you've decided.

Oh, and what to do if you're staying in New Haven for the break? Unless G&G stands for Gucci & Givenchy, you're screwed.

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