Around the Ivies

Following the lead of their more successful neighbor to the south, Brown students held a rally to protest university apparel made in overseas sweatshops. Sponsored by the Student Labor Alliance (SLA) and the Young Communist League, the rally attracted nearly 100 students.

One chief organizer, who identified himself only as "The Dude," said the protest was launched because, "You know, this aggression will not stand, man." Maintaining that "the Chinaman is not the issue here," SLA plans to continue protesting until the university changes its policies.

Princeton

The wave of sweatshop protests struck Princeton as well. This rally featured the innovative chant, "Hey, hey, ho, ho, sweatshop labor's got to go." Apparently, poetry and lyricism are integral parts of the Princeton curriculum. Alas, they still have a ways to go until they can come up with something as ingenious as "We are Davenport. We are here. We don't need no stinkin' cheer. We are Davenport. Give us beer. Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer."

Responding to the students' eloquent pleas, the Princeton administration issued the following statement: "Your war is over...the bums lost. The bums will always lose."

Cornell

There might have been sweatshop protests at Cornell if Ithaca, N.Y., weren't such a police state. Apparently, Cornell seniors can't even party during their senior week without running into the po-po. After heightened tensions last year, this year Collegetown is considering bringing in the Chief of Police of Malibu, who is described as "a real reactionary."

The Collegetown Neighborhood Council has made no bones about its lack of tolerance for student festivities. Council spokesman Jesus Quintana could not understand what all the fuss is about. "What's this week of fest %#$!? It don't matter to the Jesus," he said.

--Compiled by David M. Oppenheim from The Brown Daily Herald,
The Cornell Daily Sun, and The Big Lebowski

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