One big demonstration

The card says...
    By Dave Oppenheim

Now that I have my law school acceptance letters in one hand and am about to have my Yale diploma in the other, let me say what I really think about Yale University—I had envisioned opening my final column with those lines. The truth is, though, that I haven't exactly held back up to this point. Once one reaches the point where one can bash a class in which one is currently enrolled with impunity, there isn't much left that's sacred.

In a way, that's a shame. The truth is that the experience I've had here has been an overwhelmingly positive one. There is always room for improvement, however. Besides, it's a lot easier to be funny when talking about stuff that sucks.

Most of these things can be traced to the dual facts that 1) we pay a lot of money to be here and 2) oftentimes, services are underwhelming. I've survived by bitching about these things in this medium and cutting as many corners as I can. Basically, in the true Yale way.

Originally, the Yale way meant being the fat, mindless, and possibly inbred sons of one of the 14 wealthiest and most powerful families in America and getting waited on hand and foot while acquiring stupid nicknames like Tad or Skeeter.

Now, the Yale way is entirely different. The new Yale basically features a number of self-interested individuals and groups trying to get their way. I, for example, know it won't happen, so I make myself feel better by ridiculing those who thwart me.

This phenomenon is not unique to Herald columnists with inflated egos, however. One other place to see the self-interest phenomenon at work is in the struggles between the University and the labor unions and quasi-labor unions. In 1995-96, my freshman year, these forces of new Yale fought a war of attrition which featured such benefits to the Yale community as almost daily doses of legalese obfuscation in the form of memos from the Administration to the students, random guys with bullhorns shouting outside my window a lot, $105 a week of the flexiest of Flex Dollars, and the Graduate Employees and Students Organization (GESO) grade strike which meant that I didn't have to get back my crappy English 129 papers. As can be seen, both sides in the labor dispute had tools only slightly less impotent than columns to further their aims.

One group even more impotent than columnists, however, is the so-called student government. Don't get me wrong, the people in charge of the Yale College Council have some good ideas. They print them every April on table tents which have their names in big letters. Despite this, the most tangible accomplishments the council can boast in the four years I've been here are getting two-ply toilet paper and the Lemonheads. At least there's a theme.

As I prepare to leave, however, I can see the many points of view here and feel glad that, if nothing else, Yale University is a place that values student thought and freedom of expression enough to accomodate each viewpoint. Even if students cannot bring about change here overnight, we can at least vent our occasional frustration in a variety of ways, including likening the University to a maid with a vacuum cleaner down my pants.

Recent Herald Columns by this Columnist:
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• I want my two dollars, 4/9/99
• Don't legislate my alcohol, 3/26/99
• I'll take the physical challenge, 2/26/99

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