Smack Zone

The last Smack. Thanks for the ride, Mrs. Goldenberg--it's been real. Check back after the summer and you'll see the Ax at the top of the final standings. Morris, you've been an inspiration to everyone out there who has no backbone and no testicles. Goldenberg, your girlie is a hottie...in bed. $10,000 says the Knicks make the playoffs. Women's lacrosse goes to the NCAAs ($35,000), while the basketball teams gain hope after hiring new coaches ($100). I sleep a lot this summer ($95,000) while getting some on a regular basis ($300,000). And the Alison Morris Memorial Wager: $5,000,000,000 says the Yanks win more than they lose this summer. Last Week: +$5,000. Current Balance: $9,895.

Goldenberg

Much like Britney Spears, my status has been augmented by two huge bubbens...thanks, tennis and lacrosse. Now that I am back in my rightful place as Smack Master, I'd like to tell you a bit about my roommates. Lerner will continue doing what he does best--stroking his way to a heavyweight victory this weekend ($5,000)--and Petrie won't alow Boom to be taken down ($5,000). Men's lax will take the Cantabs ($20,000), Perkins will get a self-inflicted hernia ($2,000), and a certain swimmer will learn the meaning of FBJW ($1,000). And Pam looked much better with the bubbens. Last Week: +$5,000. Current Balance: $15,989.

Morris

In honor of the great Joey Ax, $4 million says you're reading Smack before you read his front. $1 million says you don't read it anyway. And another $50,000 says that for a second you actually pictured Goldie's mom naked. $75,000 puts the Dallas Stars in the Stanley Cup finals largely due to my boy, Benoit Hogue, and some other guy with the same initials. Lax star Amanda Walton, SY '02, graces the All-America team with her presence ($25,000), while her team grabs an NCAA bid ($15,000). And thanks to Mon Petit Prince, I get more play this weekend than Goldie and Ax get all summer (priceless). Have a great summer, boys, and trust me on the sunscreen. Last Week: -$2,500. Current Balance: $9,224.

Molly Ball, Guest

The great middle infielder Plato tells us, "Baseball is that pure, eternal good to which all good things refer." Who am I to disagree? And that's not even mentioning the great works of Homer. My beloved Rockies will win at least nine on their upcoming 13-game road trip ($5,000). Reliever Curtis Leskanic, cutest player in the majors (eat your heart out, Derek Jeter), will manage to stay out of the minors all summer ($5,000) and keep his ERA under 5.00 ($4,000). The Avs will cascade to a Stanley Cup victory ($3,000), but who cares? In the words of Nietzsche, in his Twilight of the Doubleheader, "Everything is meaningless--except baseball." Last Week: -$20. Current Balance: -$701.40. Molly Ball is a managing editor who thinks the Rockies are good (ha!) and won Pick the Pros this week.

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