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Smack Zone
Lichtig
Grandmaster Tig is back with your weekly dose of all smack and a bag of chips. Randell and Moron better watch out because the man from the Alleghenies is once again ready to rock. I'll take the Giants over the Dodgers ($200) and the Phils over the 'Spos ($100). On the gridiron, Georgia Tech will roll over the Terps ($100) and Marshall will smack Miami (OH) ($100). It's too bad that Penn State's off this week, or I'd win even more. I'd also like Moran and Randell over easy. With a side of bacon. Last Week: +$150. Current Balance: $751.
Moran
How ya feeling, Randell and Tig? Still sore from that ass-whuppin' that I gave you both last week? Watch your backs, cause I'll be Smack Queen before Bobby Valentine can say "losing streak." After their embarrasing series last weekend, the Yanks will finally come back to beat Tampa Bay at least twice ($200), while that other team from New York will lose its cool and lose the wild card race ($300). In the first week of NHL action, the Devils will have no problem disposing of Atlanta ($700). On the local front, women's golf will continue its streak at the Mt. Holyoke tournament ($400), while Chugh and I continue our streak over Emma and Andrew at the D-port gym ($350). Last week: +$3,500. Current Balance: $8,850.Randell
Hmm, funny how I'm still winning Smack. It could be because I rock all your worlds, or because it's obvious by now that Moron makes huge, cheap bets on Penn State while falsely chastising me for betting on Michigan over another top-25 team. Tig, you're finally taking a step in the right direction, too bad it'll take you forever to catch up...Watch for the Mets to overcome themselves and take the Wild Card ($700), as the Astros lose two to the Dodgers ($500). The home run race ends tied ($500), and Yale kicks USD off the continent ($1,200). Michigan chews up No. 11 Purdue ($800). Call that an easy bet, Moron, and we'll boot you out of the office onto your little blonde head. Last Week: +$2,800. Current Balance: $11,950.Aaron Zamost, Guest
Apparently there are some rules governing smack this year. No mom jokes. No Lichtig jokes. No sexual innuendos. In the words of Happy Gilmore, "No fun." Fine, no mom jokes. Moving on...Ax has the guest spot moving in the right direction. Let's keep the ball rolling. Football wastes USD by at least 14 on their way to Tijuana ($4,000). UCLA rebounds for a win this weekend ($1,500) and Foster scores at least once ($500). Meanwhile, the Mets do NOT make the playoffs ($1,000), McGwire wins the race ($500), and the momma jokes get edited out of this article ($50). Last Week: +$1,350. Current Balance: -$600.
Aaron Zamost is an Arts & Entertainment editor of the Herald.
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