Play without an ending, movie without a point

COURTESY ARTISAN PICTURES An erotic farce with John Turturro and Christopher Walken? No wonder the crowd's throwing stuff at the stage.

Have you ever left a movie feeling like you have absolutely nothing to say about it? Well, I went to see Illuminata and left two hours later a bit worried about writing this review. The film isn't paticularly bad; it just isn't particularly anything. Adapted from Brandon Cole's play by Cole and John Turturro, and directed by Tur-turro himself, Illuminata boasts a star-studded cast, including Turturro and his wife, Katherine Borowitz, along with Christopher Walken, Susan Sarandon, and Rufus Sewell. Yet despite this seemingly flawless cast and some very clever lines (such as "Give me Ibsen and some sausage"), the film's pacing remains slow and the storyline uninteresting. Is the problem that I had nothing to say about the movie, or that the movie has nothing to say about itself?

Illuminata attempts to introduce its viewers to the ageless trials and tribulations of a life in the theater. Set in 19th century Italy, the story revolves around a playwright, Tuccio (Turturro), and his adoring wife, Rachel (Borowitz), the lead actress and director of a theater company. Tuccio spends the entire film trying—and failing—to get his play produced, despite the fact that it doesn't have an ending. Rachel, loving him wholly but "imperfectly," supports him, even after he has run off to have a one-night stand with Célimène (Sarandon).

A myriad of eccentric characters drives the Illuminata's subplots and helps supplement its meager storyline. Sewell (who also appeared in Dark City and Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet) plays Dominique, a moody ingenue who spends his spare time following people around the local park late at night, mimicking them. Walken plays Bevalqua, a despised, gay theater critic who falls in love with the bit player Marco (Bill Irwin). Rachel's father Beppo (Ben Gazzara of L.A. Law fame) consistently fights a local rogue for stealing his beloved hat, without which he cannot fully "inhabit" his characters.

Unfortunately, these subplots are never fully developed, leaving us with only occasional half-glimpses into the characters' lives. It's a shame, considering that their lives are much more interesting to watch. Had these minor characters been given more screen time, the film might have been more entertaining.

As it is, the actors are under-utilized and give stifled performances. I am speaking particularly in reference to Irwin, a vaudevillian who's shown his genius to much better effect elsewhere, especially in the Broadway production of Fool Moon and in a scene-stealing bit in My Blue Heaven. Irwin has such a small part and receives so little direction that he makes almost no impact on any of his scenes—a real shame given his prodigious talents.

The slow pacing of Illuminata is a direct result of Turturro's unfocused direction. Indeed, at many points during the film, it seemed as though Turturro hadn't really decided what kind of film he wanted to make. Some of his actors grossly overplay their parts, suggesting a slapstick comedy; others give rather cold, controlled performances, presenting a film almost serious in nature. The director's attempts at the absurd are also too infrequent, too self-conscious, and too poorly placed to give the film any cohesive tone.

To be fair, Illuminata does speak certain truths about life in the theater. The rehearsals, the affairs, Dominique's swearing at the unknowing audience from backstage—all provide colorful insights into what happens "behind the scenes." I found myself saying at numerous points throughout the film, "Oh, I've done that." So if you're a thespian with two hours to kill and you're seeking a little camaraderie with flickers on a screen, look no further. Keep in mind, however, that this self-same camaraderie can just as easily be obtained by sitting at home and talking to a theater person about your theater experiences.

In one of Illuminata's many self-reflexive moments, an audience member, after seeing Tuccio's play, claims, "One never knows what is good. That's what critics are for: to tell us." If this is truly the case, then I feel it is my obligation to tell you this: wait for Illuminata to come out on video. That way, you can turn the movie off when you get bored.

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