Enjoying Halloween eye candy

Tongue-In-Chic
   By Jamil V. Moen

The term"horror" can apply to the world of fashion in more ways than one. From the grim and often humorous new trends designers choose to perpetrate upon men and women each season to the unfortunate proliferation of flannel pajama bottoms as daywear on college campuses, sporting a look can often be a truly terrifying prospect. An accidental fright or two aside, there is only one occasion when both gruesome and glamorous share the stylistic stage. Halloween is a chance for most people to "dress up," even if a majority of the public must skew the definition of the phrase for just one night. It is a night of paganistic conspicuous consumption that depends more on fashion than any other holiday (unless you count Labor Day and the "white rule"). I say, take advantage! Forget the Great Pumpkin and put away the mini Mars bars—especially if you want to fit into next year's costume. This annual night of fright is your chance to be both sleek and spooky, as well as an opportunity to make a point of celebrating in style.

Fashion and All Hallows Eve are more related than you might think. Your morning routine of waking up and deciding what to wear is nothing more than a daily costume party. Halloween is merely a ghastly exaggeration of the process. This, unfortunately, does not explain why I planned what I wore today a week ago and still have not figured out what I am wearing on Sun., Oct. 31. But that is really beside the point. The point is, the spectre of style haunts everything we do, and Halloween provides no exception. Some recent experiences I have had with this holiday, however, have led me to believe that trick-or-treat time might occupy a different rung on the fashion ladder than your average aspect of style.

Everyone knows the original supermodels: Cindy, Naomi, Claudia, Christy. While culture and style magazines the world over declare the era of the supermodel dead, the reality is that fashion models today embody a vastly different vision of beauty than years past. To take a gander at the models on the packages of Halloween costumes is to put this statement in an entirely different light. Have you seen these things? Fashion may have a new face, but I am quite sure that the face they had in mind was not so abhorrent as this. I understand that these men and women are only donning the costume to give an idea of what is in the package, but do the sultans of snapshot down at the costume company have any idea how unattractive some of these people are? You know you are in dire straits when you look at the box of a "Quasimodo" disguise and you cannot figure out where the costume ends and the model begins. Clearly, standards must be imposed in the costume industry if they are planning to move merchandise—and not my bowels. One must remember that Halloween, just like fashion, is about selling the product.

Yet the product itself also poses problems. A common plebian quibble with fashion concerns the apparent discrepancy between the visual and the economical. While the exorbitant price points of Joseph pants or a Demulemeester white tee are inherently absurd, a closer inspection of cut, fabric, and quality reveals at least a modicum of monetary justification. This parallel is nonexistent in regards to your typical fare at the Halloween mall outlets. Unless you are planning to don a Givenchy frock coat, the average holiday costume suffers from egregiously shabby craftsmanship. The manufacturers have apparently discovered odd substitutions in an effort at clever mass production. These include using paper in lieu of that pesky cloth stuff, dickeys and shoe coverings instead of actual shirts and moccasins, staples and glue in the place of needle and thread. Granted, if Comme des Garçons did this it would be proclaimed genius. But when you are attempting to emulate Pocohontas while rocking the cardboard wampum, it is more than a little disappointing.

The façade within a façade does not end there. Just as Prada, Dolce & Gabbana, and Gucci have their cheap bastard cousins BCBG and Banana Republic, the seamstresses of spook also revel in knock-offs. Yes, there is a "Groovy Guy" with bad teeth, a blue velvet suit, and black glasses available in case you cannot drop the dough for a credible "Austin Powers" getup. Not to worry—they are both just as atrocious in the quality department. Suddenly, the minimalism of the "ghost" costume does not look so bad. Just make sure the sheet is Calvin Klein.

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