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Jonathan Edwards
In the immortal words of Bragg, "It's All Over but the Shoutin'." And now, a brief demonstration: "Aaaahhhh! Urk! Goobily." Now that that's out of the way, on to the very serious business of JE I...oh, never mind. We suck. In fact, JE sports are dead for the year. Make that undead! Why, you ask? Well, we were just on the verge of discovering the existence of "fall" sports. Sounds rather spurious to me. See, the other colleges realized the only way to save their pathetic little hides was to fool us into believing the academic year extended from November until July. Well good work, assholes. But now that we're on to you, you'll be sorry. Especially when IM surfing shows up. Just watch.Since our last entry, we beat Pierson in football and tied them in soccer. Woo-hoo!
Thanks to all of our groin-grabbingly transcendent captains: Greg Goodman '00 and Alex Jhin '01 for feetballs; Pietro Canetta '01, Carl Shephard '01, Jocelyn Smith '02, and Sarah MacGregor '02 for European feetballs; Tara Cronin '00 for cross country; Giulia Musolino '00 and Darin Dalmat '01 for pong; Joyce Chen '01 for volleyball; Will McGrath '00 for tennis; and Seung Lee '00 for golf.
Now, is the winter full of our discontent? Oh no. Historically speaking, this season has been JE's IM Great Awakening. You might even say that winter IMs are the Gallant to fall IMs' Goofus. Our squash team, led by throngs of rich white preppies, will continue to improve, without resorting to violence this time. Our men's basketball team, led by a bunch of tall black guys, will repeat its jaw-shattering performance of the last few years. And our bowling team, led by desperate, blue-collar nobodies like Alex Potter '01, will most likely resign from college councils across the university to "strike" out for JE. Elsewhere, our volleyball, water polo, and swimming teams will prove harder to stereotype.
So, to sum things up, if fall IM skill were toilet paper, then JE would be Old Campus. But look out—Old Campus is being restocked, or else we'll have some problems come Monday. (Compiled by Orrin Hatch.)
All materials © 1999 The Yale Herald, Inc., and its staff.
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