Around the Globe

Two Swiss banks decided on Thurs., Dec. 2 to bar Santa Claus and his helpers from entering their branches, just in case they turn out to be thieves in a clever Christmas disguise.

In Switzerland, Father Christmas and his aides traditionally blacken their faces when they make appearances in Swiss commercial centers to help children shop. Both Raif-faisenbank and United Bank of Switzerland fear the disguises could aid robbers.

"A latté, and a penis repair, please."

A Canadian tourist sued Starbucks on Fri., Nov. 26 for $1.5 million, claiming his penis was crushed by a faulty toilet seat.

According to his attorney, Edward Skwarek was seated on the toilet on Fri., Aug. 20 in a Manhattan Starbucks franchise when he turned to get toilet paper, causing his penis to be inadvertantly crushed between the seat and the bowl.

The suit claims Skwarek has suffered a "crushed penis, Peyronie's disease, retrograde ejaculation with consequent substantial reduction in sperm count, infertility, severe bruising to his penis, and sexual function impairment."

Skwarek is seeking $1 million in damages, while his wife additionally wants to be awarded $500,000 because she has been "deprived of his services." (Hey, at least with that money, she can buy a whole lot of caramel mochas.)

Join the Hair Club for drug dealers

A Florida woman smuggling a stocking full of cocaine in her hair was sentenced by a Jamaican judge to 12 months in prison on Wed., Dec. 1. The court was told that Shurwanda Brown aroused police suspicion when she boarded an Air Jamaica flight to Orlando, Fla. because she had unusually high hair. At the time, Brown claimed the package was a treatment for her hair.

To her lawyer's claim that Brown had been tricked, the judge, Joyce Bennett, responded, "She can't say that. The police took it from off her head. Twelve months." —Compiled by Zoë Konovalov from Reuters News Service.

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