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Smack Zone
Chepiga
Good evening, my fellow Americans. As we cross that bridge into the 21st century, I want you to know that I feel your pain. I feel Dayton's pain, as Yale trounces them ($500). I feel the Mets' pain, as they lose at least two at Montreal ($300). And I feel Buffalo and Chicago's pain, as the Giants and Jets both get to 3-0 ($400 each). Phil may be President of the YCSU, but I, my fellow Americans, am the one they call Big Poppa. The original ho-bangin', pot-smokin' free Willy. Just remember, my fellow Americans, my famous last words—I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Dolinsky. Last Week: +$1,785. Current Balance: $6,785.Diskant
No, Sampras didn't win the Open, but I wasn't the only one to
get knocked up last weekend. And Dolinsky, let's clear this up right
now—your Braves are in trouble. That's why they're gonna drop two
of three to the Diamondbacks this weekend ($200). Meanwhile, the Mets
take three of four from the Expos ($100 a game). But the big action
this weekend will be on the football team, where the Bulldogs will send
Dayton packing ($1,000). In the pros, the Giants open the season 3-0 for
the first time since...well, it's about time they do it again, ain't it
($1,000). And speaking of first times, Anna, how about waking up in JE on
Saturday morning? Nah... Last Week: -$1,900. Current Balance:$3,100.
Dolinsky
Having popped my Smack cherry last week with less than spectacular
results, (what can you do with Chepiga and Diskant in the Zone?) I
am back and ready to lay down the law. Here's the way it's gonna be,
boys: Jets over Bills ($500) and Giants over the Bears ($500). The South
will rise again, as VTech crushes Rutgers—like taking money from a
baby, I'll go gentle on my Smack bitches($100). Teddy, when your sorry
Mets waddle into Atlanta and get ripped apart by the Braves on Tuesday,
I'll lend you a hankie. Field hockey will rally to bitch-slap Princeton
($200). Chepiga, if you hurry, you can get in on the action. Last Week:
+$300. Current Balance:$5,300.
Phil Sternhell, Celeb Guest
The nice guy that I am, I considered using this space to warn all the frosh girls that Geoff and Ted are on the prowl this weekend, but that really won't be necessary. The frosh'll see through them and they're definitely striking out ($100). Especially after the girlies see Chepiga shooting 100 on the golf course ($75). I'll also put down an easy $75 that YD"N" Managing Editor Blair Golson, JE '01, gets less play this weekend than his little brother, Ty, JE '04. In sports, the Cards are going for four over the the Cubs ($500) and the Rams are all over San Fran ($1,000). Midwest Baby! And the Olympics? $100 that none of the Herald Sports editors know that trampoline is an Olympic sport. Last Week: -$650. Current Balance:$4,350.
Phil Sternhell, JE '01, is President of the Yale College Student Union. To be Celeb Smack guest next week, kiss our asses.
All materials © 2000 The Yale Herald, Inc., and its staff.
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