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Smack Zone
Chepiga
Anna's in Wonderland. Ted's hoppin around in his Mad Hatter bitchin' that he's late for a very important date, which turns out to be not another atrocious rush meal, but Yale football winning a chess match against The Queen of Holy Cross ($500) Tweedle-Jets have the week off, but Tweedle-Giants win ($500). Fla Sta romps, as does UNC ($275 each). And that hookah-smoking caterpillar? That's me bustin' through the smacking glass, biotch. Last Week: -$2,420, Current Balance: $5,995Diskant
We're only in the midst of one of the most exciting playoff races in recent memory in the American League, but "nobody cares about baseball?" Well, I guess if I just found out that that "zit" was actually a "sore" and last weekend now turns out to be the gift that keeps on giving, I'd be apathetic about baseball too. In AL musical chairs, the Indians are left standing as the M's and A's take the two remaining spots ($500 each). The Mets prove how good they are at winning meaningless games as they take two out of three from the Expos ($500). Baseball's back, and Anna, that "zit" isn't going away...Last Week: -$700, Current Balance: $4,200Dolinsky
The apathy edition: nobody cares about baseball this week. Braves, Mets, whatever. Nobody cares about football either: Bears lose, doesn't matter to whom ($300), Giants lose, doesn't matter against whom ($300). Yale teams take two out of three Cornell teams—as long as we win, who cares? ($200 per game). I've got $200 that says (without enthusiasm) that Chepiga spends the weekend alone, again. Tap night is over, Diskant—no one cares when you run into a room at midnight, yelling "red, hot, and ready!" Last Week: -$1,300, Current Balance: $5,000
David Wertime, Guest
"Red" is right. Like a sporty, latter-day Stalin, Diskant has mercilessly reconfigured the flow of baseball information to overrepresent the powerful. And let's keep out of the junior circuit altogether, a place so high on hype and piss-poor on substance that it resembles a potemkin village. This NL populist is more interested in the races at the bottom, where the Cubs will edge out the Phillies for the worst record in baseball ($300). Meanwhile, Jose Lima resorts to throwing Dolinsky-esque lobs ($5) in order to successfully avoid breaking Bert Blyleven's gopher-ball record in his final start ($500). Pending: $1,000, Current Balance: $5,950 David Wertime, MC '01, is Executive Editor of the Herald
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