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Trumbull
After several weeks of domination on the fields and in the gym, the seemingly unstoppable Trumbullians finally encountered an unexpectedly powerful opponent. A terrible, fearsome opponent. The ultimate enemy of Trumbull IMs: midterms. Yes, those annoying, bluebook-ridden one-hour torture sessions attacked the 'Bull in full force, effectively sapping the strength and dedication we had previously displayed in the quest for Tyng. But fear not—despite dropping a few notches in the standings, the Bull is back at full charge and has other colleges running in terror like castrated matadors who accidentally left all their swords and spears at home. Women's soccer is on the warpath. Led by Katy "Not even close to dull" Sharp '02, the team just keeps bringing home victory after victory. Standout performances from Ariana Falk "You" '03 and Rachel "Not another first name" Jeffery '03 have kept this team pulling in the wins. Additional props to Kayla "Put you in a full" Nelson '03, whose netminding skills have been unmatchable. The battles have also been fierce in the House of Payne, where the table tennis team has been wreckin' stuff left and right. Captain Michelle "Better not" Messer '02 just can't stop winning, along with Danielle "Want some" Morris '02 who seems to be having a similar problem. The elite force of men's singles players, including sensation Arthur "Yeah, I play every sport this season" Kao '04, Kyle "you're" Dunn '03, Dan Mull "oy!" '03 and Oleg "the Ukrainian Bear" Elkhunovich '02. These guys just keep on putting the balls in all the right places. Before this column reaches a close, it is this secretary's duty to address a statement made in last week's IM column. Berkeley College writes, "Trumbull still sucks and we've beaten them in almost every sport." Trumbull would like to take this opportunity to set the record straight. Trumbull beat Berkeley in men's football. Trumbull beat Berkeley in coed football (they didn't even show up). Trumbull KILLED Berkeley in men's soccer. Trumbull beat Berkeley in women's soccer. Trumbull beat Berkeley in golf. Check the results. Please, go ahead and check the records. That sounds about like "almost every sport." So Berkeley, when you're done crying about being last, and tearing from all our dust in your eyes, you're welcome to come out and play us this winter. Only this time, why don't you bring some competition.
(Compiled by an IM secretary who was pleased to see Berkeley named "Sucky College of the Week" for the 736th consecutive time in the Trumbulletin.)
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