Reflections on gender: admitting bias, taking blame

It is common to hear about "why men suck." This cliché is unacceptable. I don't like the insecurity and haughtiness I see in women. For example, though both men and women gossip, I think gossip pushes women into insecurity, while men can shrug off the talk or even glory in it. Women talk about other women in a way men don't talk about other guys. Generally, women are hurt more than men in our culture, and therefore it would be advantageous for them to change. So I criticize.

The worst thing I could do would be to avoid responsibility for the disorder I observe. I determine the course of my culture. Being afraid that my culture will see me as ignorant will not stop me from expressing my views. You may disagree with this; you may disagree with anything. We must expose our own ignorance by expressing honestly, and be open to honestly learn. And it's that spirit with which I present these thoughts.

1. Women have more problems to contend with than men (i.e. rape), and are therefore less secure with themselves. Women often look to men for validation. Men are the objects of security for which women strive. Male control causes many problems for women.

2. I was eating dinner here with a group of guys and we were talking about masturbation. A group of girls came by, then one guy turned around and said, "Hey, you masturbate, don't you?" Total silence. Then, "Pff, no..." The guy counters, "What about her? She has to masturbate. She's so happy!" Then a self-righteous bell tolls out from within the group of girls. "It isn't the happy girls who masturbate. It's the weird ones."

Would you stand up to this girl? She didn't mean to hurt somebody else. In this situation, would you have been honest?

3. Beauty is so cultural, and we have to understand that. Beauty is that which fits our subjective order. Every girl over 10 is judged by every man from age seven to 99 for her physical beauty. We won't stop the judging. We can change how we judge.

We take in most of our information through our eyes. It's not hard to understand why visual beauty takes such priority in social situations such as parties. A body's appearance is judged as way to find prospective mates with good genes.

Perhaps we've moved past Darwin and care more about the personality of our mate. Are personal outlook, style, and point of view more important than waist-to-hip ratio? Imagine how easy dating would be if we didn't notice acne or an extra 40 pounds. But do I have the confidence to date someone whose face is heavily scarred, someone all my friends find ugly? Can we judge people by criteria we actually find important? Imagine Cross Campus if everyone walked around with an explanatory billboard. But aren't the clothes I'm wearing indicative of my style—that is, the way I think, the way I view life?

4. As I understand it, this is the cliché: men focus on sexual effectiveness, women on personal relationships.

Situation: Bunch of guys who want to know about my hook-up. What do I say? We feel insecure in those situations, because we want to seem really effective. Usually we say, "Yeah, we f**ked around." We look for approval, smiling, as if she had no worth as a person. We are afraid of being honest.

"I really like her. She was really fun to be with, has great style, and is generally hip. I don't think we'll hook up again, but I want to hang out with her more." No we don't say that, because the frat brothers will...Do you take the time and effort to be honest? Do we realize what it does to a girl when guys and girls treat her like a slut? What do we think when we are manipulating a girl for sex?

5. Do girls think about the stars? Do they try to understand reality beyond people? I am sure they do. But would I know this?

6. It is terrible that women require male attention yet must fear being thought of as a slut. Men, do you worry about being raped when you go to a party alone? Do you realize how frustrating it would be to have a stigma against your gender masturbating? Even with equal legal rights, there are latent subtle cultural conflicts between the genders that must be resolved. Resolution requires willingness: truly listen and hope to understand, and express your admittedly biased view with honesty. Derek Lomas is a sophomore in Pierson.

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