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Smack Zone
Chepiga
Subway Series time, baby! In a series as uneventful as Yale's tercentennial parties, my Yanks will stampede the Mets in six ($600). Mets fans better get their batteries out, 'cause cheating is the only way they'll stay competitive. I'm gonna be riding the 4 train like it's Dolinsky. As for the 7 train, all them gays and turbaned immigrants—that was Ted in his politically incorrect Halloween costume. Shame on you, Slim Teddy. Closer to home, Yale football rolls over UPenn ($700), lightweights win the Head of the Charles ($400), women's tennis beats BU ($400) and field hockey—yes field hockey, I know I'm throwing my money away—downs UPenn ($300). Last Week: +$1,600. Current Balance: $8,095Diskant
Forget for a moment that Chepiga's making Vanilla Ice look talented
or that Anna has yet to find herself in JE on a Sunday morning. The Mets
are in the World Series and the Yanks are going down. While Dolinsky is
bouncing around (and up and down on) New York's Finest, finding out just
what is so big about 'dem apples, the Mets win their first championship
since '86 ($1,000). Meanwhile, it's parents weekend here in New Haven
and the Bulldogs will live up to the occasion, rolling over Penn on
Saturday ($1,000), while Chepiga has to explain to a lot of angry daddies
that their daughters ain't that innocent. And oh yeah, Dolinsky, Momma
Diskant gonna kick yo' ass ($10). Last Week: +$1,600. Current Balance:
$7,900
Dolinsky
Ah, New York, New York. Teddy and Chepiga must be wetting their pants
(each other's pants?). Road team wins first three games of the Series
($400 each), and I'll add an extra $500 on the first game—Mike
Hampton's arm is on fire. Jets take Giants ($500), but not without
trying. Try as he may, Chepiga still can't score (Diskant's mom
doesn't count). The rest of the country still doesn't care about
the Big Apple (judging by the my co-editors, there ain't nothin' big
about it)—Subway Series will have the lowest TV ratings in years
($400). Last Week: +$1,900. Current Balance: $8,000.
Nat Rich, Guest
I don't know Dolinsky much, except that Smack treats her like she's Moran on chancroid, but I know the others enough to say that Diskant wakes up Sundays with fine red down on his face, and Chepiga's that much closer to baldness—complete baldness, that is. Which is not to be confused with the red blood that will be shed in Yankee Stadium. In the first two games, Timo gets three runs ($500), Alfonzo three hits ($800), Pettite allows four runs or more ($500), Piazza homers ($300), Paul O'Neill cries about a called third strike ($500), and Mets win both ($500) as the panic sets in for Yankees fans everywhere. Last week: $4,700. Current balance: $11,945.Nat Rich, CC '02, won Pick the Pros this week. If you want to be a Smack Zone guest, play Pick the Pros online!
All materials © 2000 The Yale Herald, Inc., and its staff.
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