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Smack Zone
Chepiga
"Who let the Mets out?" No, no. More like "Who struck the Mets out?" El Duque and Rivera—that's who. The Mets should be forced to ride the subway on all fours like the guy in Kids and beg for their dignity back. That, or force Mike Piazza to pull a Lewinsky. Speaking of Dolly Lewinsky, Anna's gonna brown nose at the JE Screw. ($100) As for A&E, are you really betting that Antigone's going to die? Bravo, you artsy jerk-offs, bravo. I bet that you suck ($200). Yale beats Columbia ($300); Nebraska over Oklahoma ($245). Last Week: +$1,315. Current Balance: $9,410.Diskant
With baseball over (I'll be in mourning the Mets for some time)
I'm forced to turn to...college football? Tig and Randell aside, no one
really knows (or cares) how they determine which school gets what ranking,
but Nebraska and Oklahoma both have low numbers next to their names, and
they're playing each other. Sounds like a good game to bet on—I'll
take the Sooners at home ($500). Speaking of mysterious numbers, Penn
State doesn't seem to have one next to their name, Mr. Lichtig. They'll
lose to Indiana ($500). Virginia Tech steamrolls Pittsburgh ($500)
and Florida'll beat Georgia like an unwanted step child. And Columbia
will try'til the end, but Yale all the way ($1,000). Last Week:
+$500. Current Balance: $8,400.
Dolinsky
Is there justice in the world? Not for Chepiga—he's not going to
the JE Screw because the escort service stopped taking his calls. Not
for Diskant—his Mets suck harder than his mom and the Sooners are
going down, down, down ($500). My boys at Virginia Tech are going to
show Pittsburgh how real men play ball ($900). Yale schools Columbia in
football ($500) and women's soccer ($300). Wait a second, Diskant's
sexuality has been called into question? What sexuality? Speaking
of mysterious numbers—it's been said that Chepiga's done all 12
colleges. But does humping the gnome and the cactus really count?
Last Week: -$1,100. Current Balance: $6,900.
'Herald' A&E, Guest
Alright smackateers, step aside as A&E, the two most titillating letters since T&A, takes the floor. Since the last sport we played was pocket pool, we'll keep it a little closer to our home turf. This weekend, Wishers blows all dramatic competition out of the water ($200), and the title character dies by the end of Antigone ($350). York Square manages to stay in business for at least another week ($300) and on Halloween, the YSO show is the crappiest one yet ($1,000). Right here in Smack, Diskant and Chepiga imply that Dolinsky is easy ($750), and Diskant's sexuality gets called into question ($500). Oh yeah, and JE IM Soccer beats whoever the hell they're playing tomorrow ($50). Last Week: +$2,600. Current Balance: $14,545.
A&E didn't win Pick the Pros this week, but if you want to be Smack Guest, play Pick the Pros at www.yaleherald.com/pickthepros.
All materials © 2000 The Yale Herald, Inc., and its staff.
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