Evil Empire

The 'Gore Factor' helps Bush

Al Gore should drop out of the elections. I know, I know, it's a cynical thing to say, and the notion of such an action just tugs at my heartstrings, but in the 2000 presidential race between George W. Bush, DC '68, and Ralph Nader, he's just getting in the way.

Recent polls are staggering. Al Gore is supported by anywhere between 40 percent and 45 percent of the electorate. Meanwhile, Ralph Nader, the legitimate left-wing opponent of Bush, is only polling five percent. Gore, supported by tens of millions of dollars and endorsed by major national media outlets, is using his popularity to siphon off votes from an otherwise successful grassroots progressive movement that stands in direct contrast to Bush's right-wing ideology. This theft of popular support, which I will from now on refer to as the "Gore Factor," is so serious and widespread that it actually looks to be the deciding factor in the presidential election.

Let's take Oregon for example. In a recent poll, Nader had 10 percent, while Gore was up at a disastrous 41 percent and Bush had a winning 45 percent. Now, if Gore were to abandon his bid for the presidency, a significant portion of his 41 percent would throw in their lot with Nader, perhaps even enough to beat George W. Bush in that state. No fuzzy math there, just the "Gore Factor" in action. So while Gore and his Democratic Party are certainly well intentioned, they're standing in the way of the real liberal, progressive candidate. Get out of the way, Mr. Gore. Please, go fight for the American working family on your own time.

Corporate-nurtured yuppies such as ourselves want to vote for Gore, and that's understandable. He's the perfect politician: paternalistic in his promises, compassionate in his ideology, and totally superficial in his payoff. In other words, he allows us to forget our responsibilities, feel good about ourselves for voting for him, and be safe in the knowledge that he'll uphold the status quo regardless of his rhetoric. It's little wonder that the "Gore Factor" is such a threat.

But I urge you, dear reader, to vote with your head and not your heart. As alluring as it may be to vote for Gore, can you really imagine him as president? What with his huffing and posturing, pole-up-the-ass personality, and irritating Tennessee accent, do you really think he could be an effective leader of the free world? I find these questions difficult to ask, and I am sure they're even more difficult to answer. But it's time to be a practical voter. It's time to stop contributing to the "Gore Factor" which every day looks more and more likely to inadvertently catapult that Texas yahoo to the presidency.

So do your part. If you want to stop George W. Antichrist and his fascist hordes from taking control of our nation, the practical choice is clear. If you value your liberty and the freedom of a woman's uterus, if you oppose the governor's plan to seize children's lunch money and add it to the military's budget for anthrax missiles, if you think his proposal to combat hunger and the rising costs of Medicare by processing senior citizens into food is less than genius, then buck up and do your job as a responsible citizen. Turn a blind eye to the allure of a Gore vote. Vote for the real opposition to the baby-eating Republican hell-spawn: Ralph Nader.

For once, my friends, drop your pseudo-liberal idealism to the wayside. Be practical, dammit, and ask yourselves this question on election day: With Al Gore draining support from Nader, the only legitimate opposition to the right wing, do I want to be part of the "Gore Factor," and inadvertently elect Bush? I have made my point, and am left with nothing more to add, other than to repeat, with a heavy heart, the cynical mantra I have heard time and time again from my peers: a vote for Gore is a vote for Bush.

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