From the Sidelines

Reasons to miss the '93 Cowboys (really)

The final seconds tick off the clock at Super Bowl XXXV, and the Tampa crowd gasps a tired sigh of relief—their hometown Buccaneers have done it. In defiance of the laws of gravity, the Bucs carry Super Bowl MVP Warren Sapp on their shoulders. Bucs Coach Tony Dungy, now more of a football genius than ever, is coated in Gatorade. On the opposite side of the field, Steve McNair of the AFC Champion Tennessee Titans is downtrodden, tearing up a little bit, and in dire need of a hug. His team has managed to lose again by a point (but this time, at least, not by a yard) and you, sitting at home watching the game, should feel sorry for him. Fortunately, like half of America, you fell asleep on your recliner shortly after the halftime show, because in the game soon to be known as Parity Bowl I, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers defeated the Tennessee Titans by the appalling score of 4-3, thanks to two Sapp safeties.

DOUG PENSINGER/NEWSMAKERS As a result of expansion, teams such as the Rams have had to turn to Arena Football, where they picked up star quarterback Kurt Warner, and other outlets.

Maybe this vision of Super Bowl XXXV is more satirical than it probable—but then again, take a look around the NFL in this era of parity. The Redskins, the best team hastily-spent money could buy, managed to lose to the sad sack Cardinals last Sunday. The Rams and Titans, whose sudden emergence last year was hailed in a league where anyone can win at any time, are good but seriously flawed teams. The Rams, with injuries and a paper-thin defense, lost to the Panthers, while the Titans managed just nine points in an ugly victory over the Steelers. The Colts, thought to be building a future dynasty, may forever remain the team of the future if they continue to blow games like their recent loss to the Bears. Miami and Baltimore are defensive juggernauts with offenses that struggle to put up baseball scores. The Bucs are 5-4 and Keyshawn Johnson is liable to write Gimme The Damn Ball Part Two at any moment, yet a seemingly strong Minnesota squad was spanked 41-13 by this same fragile Tampa team. Throw in the unproven Giants, a Raiders squad that almost lost to both San Diego and San Francisco, and the Jets, at 6-3 only by a few acts of God, and what do you have? Eleven good teams in place of one great one.

NFL optimists defend the alarming number of Marlon Brando-like, coulda-been contenders with statistics showing more games decided by three points or less in the past two seasons than any other period in league history, and more teams in the playoff chase. The problem is, in field goal fests like Oakland's 15-13 victory over San Diego, and Tennessee's 9-7 win over Pittsburgh, close does not mean exciting. Even an amazing performance like Corey Dillon's record-breaking 278 rushing yards belies a fundamental problem with the league—a remarkable lack of talented veteran quarterbacks. While Dillon was ripping through a prone Denver defense, two Cincinnati quarterbacks, Akili Smith and Scott Mitchell, also tried to make plays. Presumably both Smith and Mitchell had pulses, though their combined two completions for 45 yards shows ample evidence to the contrary. And the Bengals won this game, mind you, just as the quarterback-poor Dolphins, Ravens, and Bucs did. Personally, I don't think I could beat my mother at Madden 2000 with stats like that.

Before things turn really ugly in the NFL, the expansion that has left teams scrambling to find quarterbacks from Arena (Kurt Warner) and Canadian (Doug Flutie and Jeff Garcia) leagues has got to stop. It may be too late to stop the Houston Texans from becoming the league's 32nd team, starting in 2002, but if anyone in L.A. still cares about football, they're just going to have to steal the Raiders or Cardinals. Baseball, a sport as pitcher-deprived as football is quarterback-light, is currently talking about possibly dissolving a franchise or two—couldn't someone talk the unloved Cardinals, Chargers, or Panthers into giving up the misery of their existence for the sake of the league? And though the thought of giving professional athletes more money is always disturbing, the leveling effect of the salary cap that brought down the Cowboys, 49ers, and Packers will probably help to keep any team from sustaining success long enough to even think of dynasty status.

Without teams like the Steelers of the '70s, the 49ers of the '80s, and the Cowboys of the '90s, not only are those dandy NFL Films compilations harder to put together, but the level of league play goes down. The incredible 49ers squad I was fortunate enough to see destroy the San Diego Chargers in Super Bowl XXIX was assembled mainly for the purpose of knocking off the reigning champion Cowboys, if only for a year. Would a team like that have been created with the sole purpose of not giving up 278 yards rushing, or not losing to Cleveland?

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