IMs

The fall season has finished and Davenport is sitting pretty in second place in the Tyng Cup standings. We here at Davenport think that we really ought to be in first place. You see, Saybrook leads by a rather ridiculous—nay, improbable—margin in the overall standings. And, if you go to the IMs webpage, you will see that a Saybrook student is in charge of keeping the standings updated. Coincidence? We think not. However, unlike many other colleges, Davenport does not complain. We are happy to be in second. There was even talk of making tee-shirts proudly proclaiming that we were second. But then some bright spark said, "How about first?" A loud wave of "Ooooh" and "Aaah" echoed around the Davenport common room followed by sounds of approval: "Good idea, old chap." So that's our new goal. And quite frankly, here at D'port HQ, we are pumped and prepared. Why? The frosh class: these kids are good. We had low expectations in the fall season, but they proved us wrong. In fact, three of our frosh played varsity inner tube water polo in high school. And four of them turned down draft picks in the NBA and WNBA just to play Davenport IMs. In fact, one said, "If I had been assigned to Pierson, I'd be playing with the Raptors right now." All those who doubt our wisdom, please show up at the House of Payne and watch as we crush you. And this winter, we have reason to believe that we shall excel in squash (World Badminton Champion), hockey (ringers galore), billiards (we got cues), inner tube water polo (we got trunks) and volleyball (we got height). So please, other colleges, save face and forfeit now. We are a nice college and we do not want to hurt you. You should consider yourself warned.

(Compiled by omniscient IM secretaries with expectations like none other.)

Morse

If Morse was a basketball player, it'd be Shaquille O'Neal. If it were a football player, it'd be Refrigerator Perry. If it were a wrestler, it'd be Andre the Giant. If it were a porn star, it'd be Ron Jeremy. Bigger, badder, better. Men's soccer won another championship, earning a match against Harvard's Cabot House this Fri., Nov. 17 at 3:30 p.m. Stop by to see a bunch of skilled studs beat the crap out of Harvard pussies. Cantab this, suckers! Table tennis lost in the finals to Stiles by one match, while ping-pong finished with only one loss. Coed football also played well, with plenty of women. Unfortunately for the rest of Yale, Morse always dominates winter sports. The Tyng Cup will be ours. Oh, and this is for Saybrook: You guys must be getting pretty desperate, since your IM secretaries thought it necessary to pour beer all over Dan "The Man" Wilderman '00. Losers.

(Compiled by the best IM secretary around.) Silliman

Shuffleboard is a game in which discs are shoved, by hand or with an implement, so that they come to a stop on or within a scoring area marked on the board or court (a floor or outdoor hard surface such as concrete). It is said that Henry VIII banned the sport among his archers because they would spend too much time playing the game and not enough time on archery. Wars could not be won with a shuffleboard cue! In later times, a modified form of the old game became popular among travelers as a deck game on ocean liners and cruise ships. About 1913, shuffleboard was introduced about at Daytona Beach, Fla., as a game on land. The intrinsic appeal of the game—skill, diversity, competitiveness, availability to young and old, strong and disabled, the serious game, the fun game—made it extraordinarily popular in the U.S., particularly in retirement communities, with each community devising its own rules of play. The modern form of shuffleboard was defined in St. Petersburg, Fla., in 1924. The concrete is smooth, the poles are straight, and the tiles are ready to fly. It's time for IM shuffleboard.

(Compiled by an avid shuffleboarder.)

Timothy Dwight

As the end of fall rapidly approaches, the time comes to turn toward the cold days of winter. Despite the early darkness and dismal weather, TD prepares to make Payne Whitney the hottest place on campus. Once the winter season starts after Thanksgiving, all other colleges will be consumed by the inferno raging on Temple Street. Prepare to face the fire of Ashé.

(Compiled by the king of Ashé.)

Trumbull

Trumbull is going to dominate winter IMs. Why? Because Ama Boah "Constrictor" '02 is back from abroad to lead our coed innertube waterpolo team to victory. Because Gary "P." Fernando '03 isn't going to drown this year. Because Andy "Full" Nelson '02 finally quit the club team. Because Jenny "My hair freezes" Bruno '02 played in high school. And because Radhika "Badhika" Natarajan '02, Sarah "Thank God she didn't go abroad" DeBergalis '02, Laurel "Defense" Grodman '02, and Irene "Offense" Guitterez '02 can all fit in the same tube together! Why? Because women's hoops actually has a team this year. Because women's volleyball had an average of 12 players last winter and Carolyn "Eat this" Graeber '03 and Laura "Ace" Beckert '03 are back. Let's not forget about men's hoops and its fearless leader, Dev "Indians can too jump" Gandhi '02. Because bowling is on Friday afternoons and the beer flows. Because Robby "All-Star" Hollowell '04 will be done pledging. Why? Because we're Bulls. We brave the cold. We win. The first month of fall was no fluke. We will be back at the top where we belong, and Berkeley will remain at the bottom where they are destined to stay.

(Compiled by a college ready to kick your collective ass this winter.)

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