Intramurals

Davenport

Dear Santa,

We know that up in Lapland, you rarely ever hear the requests of spoiled Yale students down in New Haven. But since we stole one of your most prized possessions (your gnome), we think that we at Davenport HQ have the right to clamor for we want this year over the Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa holidays. First, though, we would like to thank you for providing us with such a solid freshmen class. At last count, 75 have played B- and C-hoops. Also, thank you for giving us a Frosh Canadian (Ryan "Maple Leaf" Taylor) to get us respect in hockey. Of course, he did not have the chance to display his talents because Silliman chickened out again. Thank you for giving Davenport such talented IM secretaries, who run the show around here like butter. Thank you also for giving us Steve "JE's Ogre" Southard '01, who managed to hospitalize a JE-er en route to another C-hoops victory. Our requests for this year are simple: 1) more TYNG points. 2) First place. 3) Ringers. 4) Fairer refs (don't hate us 'cause we're beautiful). 5) Playstation 2. 6) Lots of sex.

If you grant these wishes, we will gladly leave carrots and milk at the bases of our fireplaces, which no one has used since the '80s. Right. It is very possible that there will be leftover eggnog from all the celebrations after our normal ass-whooping of some other college. Also, we guarantee play for all your reindeers. There's a rumor that Pierson's a big fan of bestiality. Happy Holidays.

(Compiled by your obedient IM secretaries.)

Morse

This is a message to the three teams ahead of us in the Tyng Cup standings: You're friggin' dead, okay? I hope all of you die a slow, horrible death and then go to IM hell, where devils poke you repeatedly in the groin with sharp, red-hot implements, tape your eyelids open, and force you to watch as I have my way with your women.

Sorry about that. But (and here I think I speak for all of Morse) I'm sick of this not-in-first-place shit. Lucky for us, we dominate the winter. B-hoops and C-hoops are 2-0, thanks to B-players Ryan "I have a giant hammer" Barrows '01, who made a triumphant return to the court Wednesday, and Roger "Yeah, I just nailed a three in your eye" Austin '03, and C-hoops stars Rob "Elton" Jahn '02 and Captain Jeremiah "The Mouth" Quinlan '03. A-hoops is 1-1, led by Rob "I'm" Fum"-ing mad"-erton '01 and Dirk Van Den "I'm the" Bos '01.

Hockey looks good, with veteran Captain Alex Kall-"Me the"-mann '01, while women's basketball boasts young stars Captain Marjorie "I'm too tired to think up a clever name" Friedman '03 and Michelle "Michael" Collins '03. Women's volleyball could be a seriosu threat, with Joanna "I grab 'em in the" Busquets '03 and Erin "Spike" Kaderly '03.

Morse! Morse! Hung like a horse!

(Compiled by someone with a bigger hammer than Ryan.)

Silliman

Shuffleboard is good. Bocce ball is better. Often played by large Italian men in the rolling hills of Tuscany, the heavy-ball game has been transported to the Silliman courtyard. Rory-Owen "my shots always go down" Delany, "baby" '03 and Lee "coat and" Tyler '03 have mastered the ancient art.

Finally moving on to actual IM sports, I must say our A-hoops team is as hot as a sauna manager in Pompeii. Led by Johnny "my name is a kind of liquor" Walker '03 and Mike and Geoff "we're really tall" Holling-ton '04, they are 2-0 after spanking Saybrook and D'Port. Note to 'Tig—JE is next.

How about B- and C-hoops? Justin and Mike "sorry we're leaving the country" Cohen and Gottesman '02 and Ben "I play quite ad-" Epply '03 are keeping it real. For C-hoops, John "come all" Yi "faithful" '02 and Mike "the Sillimander suit is on the way" Mackenzie '03 take that joint to the hoop. You want women? I thought so. In volleyball, Carol "watch out fool, I'll whip back at you like a boom" Huang '04 and Kira "I live for IMs" Ryskina '03 are bumpin' and diggin', good for a 2-1 record.

God-Silla is hibernating for the winter. While he naps, Silliman is returning to its roots. Something new is coming. Yes, I promise you, this time an actual tangible thing will be arriving. Thank you for your time.

(Compiled by Mike Mussina.)

Timothy Dwight

The red shadow has cast its mighty glare on the competition, and for the first time in many moons the lion has proven it does not sleep in winter. If you dare to walk through the hallowed halls of Yale's cathedral, Payne Whitney, you must plug your ears, for the roar of the lion deafens all. As we look towards a successful winter campaign, we must pay homage to a ferocious leader, Andrea "no nickname does me justice" Stewart '02, who will be strengthening us telepathically from Spain. People said hell will freeze over before W-hoops won legitimately. The Eagles were right. Under the leadership of Bethany "Varsity lettering is h" Ellis "h" '02, Caitlin Klevor "er than your average" rick '02, Sarah Se"how I run"o '02 and the young sparks of freshmen glory, including Shannon O'Pray "that you don't have guard me" '04. The lioness roar has seen men's volleyball glory under the St. Maarten sun with I'll Ty-Ty "you up" Philepa '01. With Peter "The dead" Lee '02, Thomas "Smooth as candy" Kane '01, Hayden "I'm not just a CA" Gallary '02 and James "I'm a chooper" Stevens '03 regulating the men's hoop wars, we look forward to returning after break and defending our water polo dominance and shirts. Until then, may the force of Ashé be with you.

(Compiled by the femme fatales of o-deuce.)

Trumbull

Who let the 'Bulls out? That's right, Yale, while you've all been holed up in the library the 'Bull has taken over the House of Payne. TD and BR have already felt our wrath...SY is next. A huge shout out to our undefeated teams: women's volleyball, men's A-hoops, coed ice hockey, and men's volleyball! TD: How does it feel to get ice-housed 11-0? ('Nuff said.) Women's volleyball has yet to drop a single game (a little competition please), thanks to Laura "Service with a smile" Beck-ert '03, Laura "Uh-" Oh '03, Nikki "Woman" Vo '02, Katy Sharp "Set" '02, Danielle "Mo" Morris '02, Carolyn "Captain" Graeber '03, Nina "'Nuff said" Nuangchamnong '02, Kevan "Back off" Moffett '02, and Paige "Hey, this is actually fun" Pidano '02. Then there is men's A-hoops, a dynasty with upperclass leadership and jump shots from the point by Todd Tomich '01, Nick Fortunatas '01, Dev Gandhi '02 and sophomore height in Marc "Dunk" Callendar '03 and Benjamin "Pick and go" Grover '03. Men's volleyball keeps coming up big thanks to regulars: Thuyen "TJ" Nguyen '02, Andrew "J" Nelson '02, Nick Fortunatas '01, Omri Navot '02, Ian Cornwall '02, Dev Gandhi '02, Brad Rosenberg '02, and Bill Weeks '02. And finally to the women of Trumbull basketball, thanks to everyone who came and sweated it out with me on Monday—at least we had fun. Anyone over 4' 5" that has two arms and two legs: women's hoops needs you! The 'Bull is back. And to the suckiest college out there...yeah, BK, how about a collective crawl into a ventilation shaft...we certainly won't miss you, so go ahead and save face now. Go 'Bulls.

(Compiled by those who found Monday evening's antics on Rose Walk extremely amusing.)

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