Admit it Yale: Britney Spears has done it again

At the mere mention of Britney Spears, most Yalies react as they would to an encounter with a leperous monkey—that is, with complete and undisguised revulsion. But consider, if you will, the following real-life scenario.

EUGENE WONG/YH

It had been an evening filled with mediocre music, and the revelers at the Branford Screw were growing impatient. Suddenly, Britney's seductively synthetic "voice" oozed out over the dining hall floor—and the crowd went wild. "Oops, I, did it again!" cheered the suddenly revived debauchers in fervent, tuneless chorus. I stood there, scratching my head, perplexed, then shrugged and joined in.

I'm just as confused now as ever. Fine, so everyone claims to be utterly repulsed by this monstrosity of popular culture known as Britney Spears. But can anyone explain how she has managed to clamber her way to the top of the music industry—and into our hearts? "W-w-wait," you stammer nervously. "She has not clambered anywhere near my heart." And indeed, it seems virtually unthinkable to pledge any sort of affinity for this unapologetically slutty sub-diva with fake boobs.

But I don't love Britney because she's a good role model (she isn't) or because she can carry a tune without the voice- filtering "assistance" of NASA-level technology (she can't), or even just because of her stunning physical attributes (no comment). Rather, I can at least admit to appreciating her terrible, terrible gift—of manipulation. This girl (and the team of designers that backs her) should by all accounts have crashed and burned long ago; instead, she is succeeding spectacularly, to the collective ire of "real music" fans and Slim Shadys everywhere.

It is convenient to point accusing fingers at Britney's target audience of impressionable young girls. Perhaps these misguided children are simply too naïve to realize the truly horrific nature of their idol. Nonsense. Britney's latest album went seven times platinum just 17 weeks after its release. Surely this feat is far beyond the consumer powers of 13-year-old girls alone. Some of the blame can be traced right here to New Haven, Conn., where people who "ought to know better" find themselves joining the Britney frenzy all the same. Even those who complain about what a bad role model she is, or how fake an image she projects, can invariably be coaxed into admitting that they sometimes listen to Britney's music.

I'm not saying any of this with an air of self-satisfied righteousness; in fact, I'm every bit as bad as any of you—and likely much worse. I have quite a collection of Britney's MP3s, including her emotionally heart-wrenching ballad on the topic of electronic romance, "Email My Heart." "Email me back and say our love will stay alive," she croons passionately. "I will!" I whisper to the screen, booting up Eudora. But the point is that I'm not the only one; I know off the top of my head at least a dozen people who secretly own one or more of her albums. Besides, what other explanation is there for the ecstatic response to her music at the Branford Screw, other than that, well, some of us like her music? Clearly, Ms. Spears has infiltrated more than just one segment of the population.

The interesting question to me, then, is whether or not she is acting in a self-aware manner. As I intimated earlier, I think the answer is yes. Her manipulative attitude can best be typified by the lyrics of her recent smash hit, "Oops! I Did it Again." Personally, I cannot detect even the slightest semblance of contrition in Britney's sultry, gritty voice when she sings the line, "I played with your heart." To me, this is a kind of knowing wink between a consciously mediocre magician and the parents of some small children at a birthday party. "Yes I know it's cheesy and fake," she seems to admit with each insincere chorus. "But hey, you like it, and they like it, so what are you going to do about it?" Of course, it's also possible that Britney's just really, really stupid. Perhaps she actually believes in what she sings. But when "Lucky" comes on the radio and I feel that familiar tug on the ol' heartstrings at Britney's emotional query, "Why do these tears come at night?" I have the sense that I'm being consciously duped into feeling sorry for someone who doesn't deserve it in the least. Too bad I can't help but submit.

Everyone "hates" Britney Spears; that's nothing new. It just takes a little courage to admit to loving her for playing with our hearts, and—more importantly—for getting away with it.

Justin Chen, SM '03, is Online Editor of the Herald.

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