Minor Threats

protect ya (turtle)neck

Lit Mag release party and concert

Fri., Jan. 12 at 9 p.m.

Calhoun Cabaret

$3 donation

Dancing strictly prohibited. It's hard to seem jaded and aloof when shaking that ass.

open up and bleed

Auditions for `Cowboy Mouth'

Fri., Jan. 12 from 4 to 7 p.m.

Sign up on Theater Studies door

Cowboy Mouth? You mean, `From the makers of the Pocket Pussy?' Yeah, MT found one of those under creepy grandma's bed. Hmm...

all this useless beauty

Stacey's Story

Fri., Jan. 12 at 7 p.m., and Sat., Jan. 13 at 10 a.m.

SSS 114

MT's been praying real hard since it learned Jesus gets all the hot chicks. josh drimmer must die

Auditions for `Three' Sat., Jan. 13, Noon to 6 p.m.

Sign up on Theater Studies door If MT's self-promotion were any more masturbatory, you wouldn't be able to open this paper. funky bus boycott

MLK Birthday Celebration and Funkfest

Sun., Jan. 14 at 7:30 p.m.

Toad's Place

Free for 21+, Reg. Adm. under 21 "But it doesn't matter now what happens to me, 'cause I've been to the mountaintop! And damn, is it funky up there! Hit it, Bootsey!" monday monday, so good to me

Classes on MLK Day

Mon., Jan. 15 Commemorate the life of one of the world's greatest civil rights leaders by learning about dead white guys in classes taught by living white guys. How far we've come! drank a lotta whiskey, took a lotta pills

`The Master and Margarita'

Too many times 'n prices for restless MT—see Calendar

University Theater

Second part of a trilogy comprised of "The Master and Jack Daniel's" and "The Master and Exposed Genitilia."

—I'm sorry, Dave. Mr. Sandman, Leviticus E. Grutchfield, and Koopa Troopa cannot do that.

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