Give the ax to 'Jackass'

Alot of people spent New Year's day celebrating with family, making resolutions, and watching hours of college football. I spent mine pushing my friends down hills in a shopping cart.

Admit it—you understand. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I could have said, "I spent mine diving into a pile of elephant crap," or "I spent mine walking around downtown with a dead alligator," and it would make no difference.

COURTESY MTV

Why? It wouldn't make a difference because you watch it too. You know you do. Like me, you watch Jackass.

Alright, fine, maybe you don't watch it regularly, but you know you've seen it at least once. Jackass and its star, Johnny Knoxville—kind of a poor man's Evil Knievel—have emerged as the highest-rated new entertainment series on cable this year and as the network's currently highest rated show. It has packed in more male viewers ages 12 to 34 than any show in MTV history.

To put it simply (also known as speaking down to the level of those who actually watch this show): Jackass is funny. Two men eating hard-boiled eggs until they puke? That's funny. A guy kayaking in a public fountain? Also funny. A man allowing himself to be maced, stun-gunned, and tazered? Damn funny.

For those who haven't seen the show, Knoxville and his self-proclaimed "jackass" friends run around with video cameras capturing on tape the insanely idiotic things that even Tom Green has yet to attempt. MTV wants viewers to believe that this is somehow different from its gross-out-comedy counterpart, explaining that Knoxville is not just a southern drawl Green. Rather than injuring or embarrassing innocent bystanders, Knoxville injures or embarrasses himself.

This is a simple but important distinction, and arguments can be made for either side being better or worse. But still, I don't think I've ever seen Green do anything remotely close to the stunts performed on Knoxville's show. Green never purposefully skateboarded into a wall, nor did he ever punch his father in the head and wrestle him to the ground.

Kids should not watch Jackass, because kids are stupid. Hell, even I shouldn't be allowed to watch Jackass. We can avoid a debate on whether the program actually promotes violent behavior (the never-ending argument: do kids watch violent shows and become violent or do violent kids simply watch violent shows?) and instead make this a discussion on safety and responsibility.

I am sure that because of Jackass, some moron is going to hurt himself (and that moron very well could be me). If Beavis and Butthead can be found liable for some kid burning down his house—as was the case a few years ago—isn't it likely that the first 11-year-old to ride a scooter off a cliff will point his broken finger in Knoxville's direction? He admits so much: "The thing MTV wants us to stay away from is imitatable behavior—obviously, they don't want anyone to get hurt."

Imitatable behavior? (Is "imitatable" even a word?) If anything, Jackass thrives on imitatable behavior. Without imitatable behavior, Jackass simply does not exist.

And therein lies the problem: I'm not saying that Jackass should not be aired because MTV might get sued. I'm saying it shouldn't be aired because kids might get killed. Yes, I love Jackass, but honestly, this show is a terrible idea. If watching a few episodes can persuade a relatively level-headed 21-year-old to jump into a shopping cart and plunge full-speed into a mound of snow, then how hard is it to believe that a younger, dumber kid might do something equally dumb, let alone something even more dumb?

Don't agree with me? No offense then, but you're a jackass. A disclaimer at the beginning of the show does nothing to prevent children from copying Knoxville and his buddies. A message that reads, "Please do not send us videotapes" will do nothing to prevent kids from still making them. Yeah, so I think Jackass is hilarious and I'm sure kids do too, but I also understand that putting pepper spray in my eyes is a bad idea. I assume that some kids, like Knoxville, will think it's a great one.

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