minor threats

that ain't caramel

Audition for `Puppets, Shadows, and Tiramisu'
Tues., Jan. 30, and Wed., Jan. 31
Sign up on Theater Studies door

MT doesn't know 'bout the puppets and the shadows, but if it knew it'd be this type of party, it would've stuck its dick in the tiramisu.

'there were 16 girls... naked!'

Art at Four
Thu., Feb. 1, 4 p.m.
Yale University Art Gallery

Drinks at five. Pretentious blabber at seven. More drinks at eight. Impromptu reenactment of Guernica at nine. News at 11.

rich dad, fly dad

Balancing Career and Family
Wed., Jan. 31, 4 to 6 p.m.
Slifka Chapel Center

"So remember, playaz, when pimpin' out yo daughters, just because Candy's older than Foxy doesn't mean she'll get more tricks."

$12? how does your ass feel? sore, isn't it?

A Winter Garden
Sat., Jan. 27, 9 p.m. to 1 a.m.
Commons
$12 per person, $20 per couple in advance; $15 per person, $25 per couple at door

Rejected themes: "Winterfresh." "Wintergreen." "Jonathan Winters." "The Winter Palace." "The Lion in Winter." "Two Bottles of Peppermint Schnapps'll Knock Her Out."

vomit express

`Herald' Retreat
Fri., Jan. 26
Palace of Lust, Madison, Conn.
Free for us, not for you

Shoebox? I hardly knew ox.

Jakarta express

Super Bowl
Sun., Jan. 28, 6:30 p.m.

The Giants better win by 25 points, boys and girls, or else Daddy MT's gonna have to sell your asses into the Indonesian child sex slave trade.

you did what to my bridesmaid?

'The Wedding Planner'
Starring Jennifer Lopez
Showcase Cinema

MT went into this movie hoping for a piece of Ms. Lopez. Instead, it just had to do unto the wedding cake as it did to the tiramisu.

—Mr. Sandman + Leviticus E. Grutchfield + Koopa Troopa = everything wrong with America.

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