Branford

So you're sick of hearing how good our IM hockey team is? (Currently 4-0, having outscored opponents 31-7 on the season.) Fine, but that kind of bad attitude will earn you an ass-pounding at Ingalls that I will personally deliver. And if you have a problem with that, remember, my name is Randy Wolfe '01, 6-0840. Feel free to call if you would like to go to winter ball with me.

Moving on...the ladies get all wet when they meet our inner-tube water polo team. No, seriously, they do. But let's be honest: our guys—led by Justin "I" Vaughn "To suck your blood" '02 and Rob Quandt "Get enough of your love, baby" '02—are really no match for our girls. Really, you can't stop junior tandem Jessie "Kissed Randy" Gearhart and "See that male bee banging that other male bee? I think that's a" Gabey Cosel '02. You can only hope to contain them. (Ask Ben Sproul '02 for tips on how to.)

There may not be any girls on our men's A-hoops team, but they can still be a bunch of bitches. (Note to self: steer clear of juniors.) "The nucleus is the positively charged center of the" Adam Frank '02 and "Sir Lawrence" Olivier Belzile '02, as well as Matt "Three-inch" Gerrish "polar telescope" '03 (seriously, look it up), Matthew "Ray" Lewis "is a murderer" '03 and Taj "Mahal (cut me some slack...what else would go here?)" Wilpson '04. Hey, at least they're better than Calhoun. So there.

(Compiled by Mr. 91.)

Back to Intramurals...