Morse

Playing Morse is like shaving your ass: it isn't pleasant, it never really works, and you end up with a sore butt and a profound sense of disappointment. So don't waste your time: just accept the ass-hair that is Morse IMs.

B-hoops is 8-0, thanks to rookie Dirk "Nowitzki" Van Den Bos '01 and Yves "Can you tell I'm half Indian and half French?" Dharamraj '02. C-hoops should take home the shirts, led by Shivan "I'm all Indian" Mehta '01. A-hoops won again (without cheating!), defeating an overmatched and far less attractive Saybrook squad.

Bowling is in first, with stars Liz "Passover" Sader, "Strikin" Mike Hoevel '01, and in particular Nick "I'm going to" Fleish- "your dreams of beating me down the toilet" er '01. Water polo is winning, due largely to the efforts of new IM secretary Kelly "No, not the ketchup" Heintz '04 and Lindsay "I have two last names, but they're really just sounds, not names at all" Ah Loo '04.

Women's volleyball has gotten a boost from erstwhile IMs MVP Sara "Joey is the best boyfriend ever!" Perkins '01 and Katherine "Bustier" Pustay '04 (sorry, Katherine, but that's the only rhyme I could think of). Ice hockey never loses. Ever. Eric Ram- "Bam, Thank You Ma'am" -say '03 and Blake "Paint me" Greene "and call me pickle" '02 are wizards on the ice. Our men's squash team, when at full strength, is simply the best. And beware of our swim team (that means you, Saybrook!).

(Compiled by someone who just came from your mom's house.)

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