Allow me to prophesize

Look, I know no one reads the Yale Herald, let alone my column, except probably my mother and any friends of mine unfortunate enough to find themselves sitting next to me Fridays at dinner. But for those of you who did, please allow me to remind you of what I wrote last time:

"I am sure that because of Jackass [a popular MTV prank show], some moron is going to hurt himself (and that moron very well could be me). And certainly if Beavis and Butthead can be found liable for some kid burning down his house—as was the case a few years ago—isn't it likely that the first 11-year-old to ride a scooter off a cliff will point his broken finger in Knoxville's direction?" Well guess what? I was right. (Can I get an "I told you so?")

A 13-year-old boy was hospitalized this week with second- and third-degree burns after mimicking a stunt on Jackass. Furthermore, the boy's 14-year-old friend was arrested Sat., Jan. 27 and charged with reckless endangerment.

In last Fri., Jan. 26's episode, Johnny Knoxville donned a fire-resistant suit covered with steaks, and then lay across a barbecue while his buddies shot lighter fluid onto the grill to fan the flames.

To reiterate: "If watching a few episodes can persuade a fairly level-headed 21-year-old to jump into a cart and plunge full speed into a mound of snow, then how hard is it to believe that a younger, dumber kid might do something equally dumb, let alone something even more dumb?"

Man, am I smart. Maybe you should listen to me more often. So keep reading. Here more a few more of my predictions of which you should take note (followed by the odds of my being right):

1. Yale will decide to house Morse and Ezra Stiles freshmen in the Swing Dorm when Vanderbilt Hall is renovated in 2002-2003.
Odds: 4:1

This is a terrible idea, but take my word for it: the University has shown time and again that it does not understand most of the needs of the student body, and even when it does understand them, tit ignores them. So, naturally, it'll send freshmen to unpack over on Tower Parkway, where they will not meet other freshmen, losing out on the Old Campus experience and being shunned, not unlike the students living in TD and Silliman.

2. Yale will not move to boost undergraduate financial aid, failing to follow Princeton University's newly adopted "no-loan" policy for undergraduates and use additional grant money instead to match students' financial need.
Odds: 3:1

Ha! This one makes me laugh too. The YDN noted, "Yale officials will be poring over the University's operating budget and taking a closer look at the endowment to see what can be squeezed out in order to match Yale's Ivy League rival." Yeah right. And Dave Matthews will perform at Spring Fling.

3. Yale men's basketball will not make the NCAA Tournament.
Odds: 3:2

Oh, an easy prediction you say. But check out ESPN.com's most recent tournament projection: Yale, 16th seed in the Midwest region to play first-seeded Kansas—although, after Kansas's loss to Missouri on Tues., Jan. 30, it looks like Yale could play Michigan State. Yale is 3-0 in Ivy play, finally making the run I've waited four years for. But don't get your hopes up. ESPN also predicted the Giants to win the Super Bowl.

(Note to the team: am I being serious or is this just tailor-made bulletin board material for you guys? You make the call...)

4. I will not do all of the required reading for my section next week.
Odds: 6:5

I mean, come on, it's section. And I'm taking this class CR/D/Fail. And I'm a senior. "Uh, common law is, like, the law that's common to all people, and uh, statutory laws are, like, laws for statues."

5. One of my roommates will do something stupid at Toad's tomorrow night.
Odds: Even

Don't even get me started.

Well, to be fair, anyone with half a brain could have seen the Jackass accident coming—not to mention the lawsuit that is likely to follow. But the rest of these? Check back with me in two weeks, mom. I'll let you know.

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