The NFL minus standards and talent

On Sat., Feb. 2, I was ashamed to call myself a football fan. As I, along with almost 50 million other people, watched the premiere of the XFL, I kept imagining Vince Lombardi rolling over in his grave. Of course, I could be mistaken. If he had acted as Vince McMahon and NBC believe all men aged 18-49 do, perhaps he would have jumped out of the ground and ogled the hot-pants-wearing strippers (er, cheerleaders) while ignoring the Division III-college-football-level play. Maybe he would have missed the fact that neither of the quarterbacks in the debut game completed even half of their pass attempts, or that the victorious Las Vegas Outlaws only made nine first downs in the entire game.

PRESON C. MACK/NEWSMAKERS Cheerleaders and hype have outshone talent so far in the XFL.

I'll ignore for now the fact that the citizens of the state of Minnesota must have been overjoyed to see their governor doing color commentary for a league that proudly supports the objectification of women. Ventura was surely within his rights—though questionably within his wits—to call the game. And since we all know sex sells, McMahon is clearly allowed to spend more time marketing the cheerleaders than the football players. But, like the shoddy uniforms and nauseating camera angles, McMahon's vision showed a lack of planning and foresight.

The XFL, as a concept, showed promise. I am not opposed to a new football league. February is traditionally the most boring sports month of the year, and anything to fill the time is welcome. But I'm talking about actual sports. Real athletes don't stitch "He Hate Me" on their backs instead of their names, and real announcers don't use the phrase "sloppy seconds" to describe a tipped pass caught for a touchdown. McMahon was obviously shooting more for WWF allure than NFL athleticism, but he fell short. Most of the appeal of the WWF centers around the outrageous personalities. But the XFL has no heroes, despite a throng of overactive egos. I would challenge anyone who watched the debut game to name a single player on either team—that is, other than the quarterback pictured in the locker room with a cheerleader purring, "Quarterback Ryan Clement really knows how to score..."

In a shameless crossover, WWF wrestler Steve Austin welcomed viewers back from a commercial by blasting NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue for calling the XFL a "non-issue." Austin claimed that this was an insult to football fans. Sorry, but the only insult to football fans occurred last Saturday when the sport took a backseat to commercialization.

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