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Davenport
Have you heard about the swim meet yet? We won our semi-final, having initially placed second, when it came to everyone's attention that Calhoun had decided it could use ex-swim team members. I guess that's the only way they can beat us! The same thing happened in the other semi-final heat, and you will never guess who was found to be cheating. I'll give you some clues: they lead the Tyng Cup by over 100 points, they do half-hearted strips, and they currently do not have a college. Got it? Go figure. As for our swimmers, they were awesome. And in the finals, they didn't do so badly either, although we were hurt by a couple of no-shows. Captained by Dan "I swam the ocean to get here" O'Neill '03, and supported by fellow sophomore Jordano "Brazilian national champion—now that's recruiting" Quaglia, Doug "Rock the" Hausladen '04, Kent "Pot of" Gould '04, Giovanna "I swim without a face" Masci '04, Annie "Nice fanny" Lux '02, and Anneli "Nice fannily" Chambliss '04, they did Davenport proud. In the past (i.e. years in which D-port has been in last place Tyng-wise), the swim meet has been for colleges that care. We officially care. That's cool.As for other sports, women's volleyball looks unstoppable at 9-0 for the title. Men's squash at 8-0 looks likely to pull off an upset for the title. We would like to apologize to the Morse captain for not telling him in advance that we were good. We did not mean to ruin your dreams.
We would also like to apologize to the regular Branford No. 2, who decided not to show because he wanted to lose to us at swimming instead. And we would also like to apologize to our future opponents. You guys are just in the way of our destiny. Oh yeah, and A-hoops—where the hell did you come from? Four wins in a row. Look out for the big tourney!
(Compiled the Secretaries who tell it like it is.)
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