Timothy Dwight

Ok. We admit it. TD Herald IM articles so far this year haven't...well...let's just say they are not on par with the performance of our water polo team. They might be more closely compared to, say, ice hockey—lots of effort, always there, but lacking a little "oomph." However, our ice hockey team is really by no means at the bottom of the ranks. Several of the team's stars, including Lucas "I grin and" Garrett '02 and Dan "Missing in Action III: Out for Blood" Smokler '01, have even fielded calls from the Redwings and Bruins, respectively. The team rallies behind cries of "no merthy, thilly Englishmen!" and continues, slap shot-style, to bloody its opponents.

Likewise, the men's squash team rolls over its opponents like the stuttering guy in A Fish Called Wanda. Rob "Gonna stomp you right under my" Hsu '02 and Jack "Attack" Lin '02 see, hear, and fear no evil as they demolish whoever dares to question their racket abilities. For all challengers, it's Big Trouble in Little China!

And we dare not forget to give props to our swim team, who qualified for finals using eligible swimmers! Mommy always taught us to play by the rules and TDers listen to their mommies (forget the results of that impurity test thing...). Brian "Let's go raise some" Kane '01 can often be found treading the dangerous waters of Payne Whitney on behalf of TD.

The Lion was also aided by the efforts of Susie "No more dance class" Gaunt '02 and Stacey "Not a" Sofka "Boom" '03. Ashé out.

(Compiled by the farmer and a non-condescending guy.)

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