Smack Zone

Darcy's man must not be doing it for her again, because she's been wandering into Fitzpatrick's pigskin territory. $50 says there's either a cat fight or a ménage à trois this weekend. Gymnastics will make Alaska and MIT cry like Laakso at an *NSync concert ($600) and men's hoops shows Harvard what to do with a ball—they've been getting"tips" from Fitzpatrick—$500. Men's and women's fencing will make Wieck's cradle-robbing spree look like a nursing home visit ($600). Last Week: +$1,700. Current Balance: $8,800.

Wiecks

It's a quiet night in the office—perhaps Fitzpatrick and Dolinsky are recovering from a little too much Valentine's Day fun? If the Valentines issue was any indication, Dolinsky had a few options...On a more serious note, men's basketball crushes Harvard to improve their Ivy standing ($300), and men's hockey over RPI ($300). In hoops, Stanford over California in the Golden State ($500), KY over Vanderbilt down South ($500), and Wake Forest over Maryland ($300). Last Week: +$3,000. Current Balance: $9,300.

Fitzpatrick

Alright, everyone had better stop their clamoring for dirty smack talk, if you're that eager to hear girls talk dirty; it's called 976-DESPERATE. Here's to you, girls, for rocking boats with whipped cream on top. Word is that Wiecks is searching for some fresh meat in Commons while Dolinsky is desiring to back that defensive line. Men's b-ball will see the Hoyas victorious over Rutgers ($500), Virginia over Florida State ($600). As for women's hoops, I'm taking Iowa State over Kansas ($1,000). Last Week: +$300. Current Balance: $7,400

Jim Laakso, Guest

The Records page isn't the only place where the Good Reverend Laakso can preach. Dig the Word: Mike Sirotka's arm is in worse shape than Dolinsky's purity, but unlike Anna, the Jays aren't getting paid shit for their trouble ($300). The Sports section isn't the only thing that shows up past deadline: Pedro Martinez reports to camp late ($500). Meanwhile in the music world, Eminem pulls a Wiecks and "goes home with three" ($1,000). God Bless, ladies. Last Week: +$3,000. Current Balance: $9,300.

Jim Laakso, DC '03, is A&E editor of the Herald.

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