Morse

Saybrook is a bit like a porn star: sure, its boobs may look the biggest, but grab one and you realize that it's all just a silicone-produced illusion. And in the end, all they're really good at is, well, sucking. Thanks to some huge performances, Morse is in second place, ready for a springtime surge to repeat as Tyng champs.

Men's squash won, as expected, after two key Davenport losses. Thanks, D-port! A-hoops and C-hoops finished tied for first in their divisions, while B-hoops posted an 11-1 record, good for second place. Water polo managed to notch a victory in its final game, thanks in part to newcomers (and latecomers) Yves Dha- "Man" -ramraj '02 and Madora "Ever since I was in Rumpus, I have had many" Soutter "s" '02. Men's volleyball smacked Trumbull around to finish with a winning record, while women's volleyball and women's basketball both finished the season on a high note. Ice hockey, meanwhile, still has a shot at the shirts.

Spring preview: soccer will dominate, as usual, with imported foreign stars like Tiberio "Mysterio" Frisoli '02 and Colin Pan "Geos" '01. Field hockey should compete for the championship once again with a boost from the return of überplayer Sara "All-World" Perkins '01. Softball made it to the championship game last year and (this is a guarantee) will win it all this year, thanks to our secret weapon. Hey, Saybrook: pucker up. Even the legendary Dave "Brian Vinci" Plattner '01 can't save you now.

(Compiled by the letter J and the number 11.)

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