Smack Zone

Darcy's got a hot date for this weekend's rave, but unless he slips her some ecstasy, she's gonna trade him in for a younger, faster model. But there's no shame in falling to Miss Wiecks—she's been on top for a long time, just like the Devils, who will take down USC ($600). Maryland continues its ascent with a victory over the Cardinals ($300). Taking a cue from Fitzpatrick—who's been doing some in-depth research on men's lacrosse—women's lacrosse continues its hot and heavy play, beating Dartmouth ($400). Last Week: -$500. Current Balance: $8,300.

Wiecks

March Madness has hit the Herald. In the Sweet Sixteen (and that's age, not number of teams), Reiter's women get younger—and drunker—each weekend. Too bad Dolinsky and Fitzpatrick don't have the same luck with men as Reiter seems to with high school girls. Then there's Chepiga...it's as surprising as the Gonzaga upset when he hooks up, but can we please implement a rule about bringing your nightly hook-up into the office? Gonzaga upsets Michigan State ($500) and Penn State beats Temple ($500). Last Week: -$500. Current Balance: $9,800.

Fitzpatrick

Apparently March Madness is not just occuring on the courts.Volcanos erupted as Dolinsky got laid in Hawaii and Wiecks melted snow all over the slopes in Colorado. Turning to hoops, in women's NCAA action I'll take Notre Dame over Utah in the Midwest ($300). In men's, Arizona beats Mississippi ($400). Michigan State by a large measure over Gonzaga ($300). Speaking of measurements, Wiecks and Dolinsky eagerly await the chance to record the width of certain players', uh, arms. Last Week: +$1,000. Current Balance: $12,250.

Ted Diskant, Guest

Let's face it. March Madness is about as exciting as a Dolinsky Friday night: a bunch of drunken men know how it all ends, they just bet on who it's gonna be. For the record, my money's on the waif ($200). So I'll turn to baseball instead, where the Mets are primed to emerge from Spring Training as the team to beat in the East. I'll take Bobby Valentine and the Amazins over the Braves on opening day ($1,000). Last Week: -$600. Current Balance: $8,700.

Ted Diskant, TD '03, is a managing editor of the Herald.

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