minor threats

"Music For Prague"

Fri., Mar. 30, 8 p.m.

LC 101

Among the selections: "No Money, Mo Problems," "(Russia) Got Your Money," "Back In An Exploited Satellite of the U.S.S.R.," "Throw Ya Nukes In The Air."

shake ya ass, watch ya pumps

Drag Workshop

Fri., Mar. 30, 4 p.m.

Women's Center

MT thought this was about those big-ass cars with the flames shooting out. Or at least what to do with the very end of a joint. But it was wrong. damn wrong.

a fifth of evil

`Unholy Bach'

Sun., Apr. 1, 8 p.m.

Sudler Hall

Guest appearances by Ozzy Osborne, Alice Cooper, and Destiny's Child performing the "Brandenburg Concerto." Children of God beware.

late show with country ray

`Ten Causes of Homelessness'

Mon., Apr. 2, 7 p.m.

Dwight Hall Library

"...Number three, the Government. Number two, Davenport Housing Draw. And number one, Having No House." (Rim shot, stupid blabber by Paul Shaefer and the CBS Orchestra.)

the emancipation eradication

`The Complete History of America (Abridged)'

Fri., Mar. 30, Sat., Mar 31, 11 p.m.

Sudler Hall

$2

"...And so George Washington-Wallace said, while freeing the slaves and segregating the Indians, `Our inexorable drive westward is one small step for man, one giant leap for Reaganomics. Now get back under the desk and shut up about your damn Gap dress.'"

bump and grind?

`The Servant of Two Masters'

Fri., Mar. 30, 9 p.m. and 12 a.m., Sat., Mar. 31, 9 p.m.

Davenport Dining Hall

MT doesn't know if it wants to be handcuffed or flogged, and you two leather-clad bitches ain't helpin'.

— Mr. Sandman, Koopa Troopa, and Leviticus E. Grutchfield shot the sheriff, started the fire, and freed Puffy. Wait, forget the last one.

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