Jonathan Edwards

Without sounding too clichéd, the past few weeks in terms of JE IMs have been somewhat like a bad country song. Now I don't mean bad in terms of poorly written (like having the words "boots," "juke box," and "even my dog" in the same line of the chorus) or scary (like that Dixie Chicks "Earl" song, whoa, that makes this writer a bit nervous), but more along the lines of unfortunate.

Take for instance, the forfeits that we've had in three of our ten sports. That will sadden the Achy Breaky Billy Ray Cyrus Heart of anyone. Lately, JE has just had trouble getting her Shania Twain Any Man of Mine or Woman in Me out to the IM fields. Or they've shown up, but it's just a Tim McGraw Not A Moment Too Soon.

And then there's the case of the volleyball team, a ridiculous Little Texas What Might Have Been situation. With only five fabulous Spiders there, they were still able to take a match into three rounds with TD before eventually being victimized by rally scoring and, understandably, exhaustion. In this moving, poetic saga, Tim "Hawaiian Honky Tonk" Ito '02 was on vocals, Cole "Down Yonder on the Chattahoochee" Jabaily '02 stirred the room on the fiddle, Melissa "Boot Scootin' Boogie" Buchanan '02 rocked the banjo and guitar, Michael "Set This Circus Down" Casserly '05 covered some nice little bridges on his mouth harp, and Mac "An All American Country Boy" Caplan '05 kept time with his tambourine skills.

But after all of this, at least JE still has Garth Brooks Friends In Low Places (look at them, there to the left—the other colleges still in double digits). And while we like them, we will soon be using them to make a Martina McBride Greatest Hits move to the top, the top of the charts. JE Sux.

(Complied by Conway Twitty. No, not really—he was in Stiles.)

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