SMACK ZONE

Hammond

Well, I made a lot of money last week, and I have Luberda to thank. While I downed a bottle of Maker's, there's no telling what she was consuming. I was really proud of my boy Kevin for holding in his beer on Friday; the next step is to get some ass, but that could be a much more difficult task. An extended $1,000 bet says the well remains dry until semester's end. Also, U of L takes care of Colorado State ($500) and the Pack make it four straight ($500). Last Week: +$1,100. Current Balance: $7,800.

Luberda

It's almost a week after Retreat, and Hammond still can't help stumbling around the office. Word's out that Tran saw some action last weekend—on the beer pong table, that is. Sad, but I guess you gotta take what you can get. Onto this weekend, $300 says I spot Kenny shirtless again with his "Bear" posse. Also count on the Elis to trounce the Big Green this Sunday ($400). Expect Texas to upset OU ($300) and my boy Sammy will belt out homers 62 and 63 in the closing weekend of MLB play ($300). Last week: +$1,000. Current Balance $6,000.

Tran

Hammond, you damn idiot, you tarnished our beer pong record. You sucked as much as Luberda does at a frat party. Was it not possible for you to get drunk after—hell, even during—the game? At least I can rely on my Sooners to do something right. $1,500 says Oklahoma messes up Texas. Yale rolls over a drunken Dartmouth squad on Sunday ($500). And the Mariners rebound from a tuberculosis scare to take the Rangers for two games ($300). Last Week: -$400. Current Balance: $6,200.

Elisabeth Marshall, Guest

Tercentennial is here! While the chosen 8,000 among us flood Cross Campus, Dolinsky will be engaging another slick willy in Davenport ($50). The sports eds score a hat-trick puke-and-rally at the Bowl ($100), while Yale trounces the Green from Bumblefuck, N.H. ($500). And at least one Herald staffer attempts to help "entertain" Hell-er's weekend guest, while Heller is away "entertaining" at least one Herald staffer ($5). Last Week: +$1,200. Current Balance: $7,535.

Elisabeth Marshall, JE '02, is the executive editor of the Herald.

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