Ezra Stiles

Our men's football team is like a Ferrari confined to its garage. Yes, it is a well-oiled machine that hasn't lost in three years. Winning their third game by forfeit this week, the football team didn't have a chance to rev its high-powered engine. But beware: while Saybrook is congratulating itself in a masturbatory display of meaningless aggregate scores, we're adding depth to our play-book through intense practice sessions that take the place of the forfeited games. And Saybrook, what's the deal with a scout at that last game? You choch-mongers must really be scared.

In other news, coed football moved to 4-1 with a victory against Calhoun. Valerie "Mason Dixon" Barbon '05 coolly dismissed an elbow-throwing Calhoun she-beast as the coed team got a "W" in the crisp New England afternoon. They're rolling...the only loss came off an unfortunate forfeit. Speaking of forfeits, tennis did. Please, please, please come out and play to prevent nonsense like that. Tennis Captain Dan Osteoper-Osnoss '03 was seen fuming at the courts, later overturning a parked car and biting through barbed wire. What an animal, that Wizard of Os-noss. Nothing compared to Mrs. Sorel, though.

Know how to play table tennis? Well, get out there—we need to stop a losing streak.

Soccer battled out a scoreless tie with Davenport last week, after both coed and men's football won. It was a festive and friendly afternoon of IMs with D-port, as the soccer was well-fought and the football was sportsmanlike. The mood contrasted with the Morse games, which were sullied by a cocky frosh's antics. Mister MC '05, you know who you are. You stink and your mom is fat.

(Compiled by David S. Auerbach.)

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