Jonathan Edwards

Choose-Your-Own-Adventure in JE IMs:

Start (#1) The time is 3:00. There is a coed football game at 3:50. If you choose to drop everything and go catch a bus out to the IM fields, go to (#3). If you decide to go to the library instead, go to (#2).

(#2) Obviously, you are in Saybrook. You are either too much of a tool to be interested in IMs or you have tried and, sadly, realized how inferior you are compared to all of JE's athletes, including Dean Cabolis's three-month-old son. If your reasoning is the latter, we commend you for at least making an intelligent decision. End.

(#3) On the bus on the way out to the fields, you meet an IM stalwart, Sarah MacGregor '03, and a highly respected—and talented—newcomer, Davina Bankole '05. They are two of JE's finest and most consistently active women's soccer players. At the fields, you also meet Mac Caplan '05, a freshman standout whose dedication and enthusiasm is surpassed by few fellow spiders. Mac is tallish, athletic, and not a bad looking guy—and the JE screw is this weekend. If you set him up with someone in JE, go to (#5). If you decide to call someone who's not in JE, go to (#4).

(#4) Obviously, you are in Stiles. You have grown accustomed to searching elsewhere to find a quality date. This is the true reason that Morse was built in a mirror-like fashion—to guarantee that you have at least one thing in common on an otherwise awkward first date. Too bad they got rid of the lipstick/tank. End.

(#5) From an intramural perspective, the natural choice is Courtney Gavis-Bloom '04. Her attendance for JE IMs has been consistent, and on top of that, she can hold her own on at both soccer and ping pong. Some lackluster team performances have not slowed her down a bit as she continues to lead the charge into the end of the fall season. End.

(#6) Obviously, you are in Berkeley. None of the above directions lead to a #6, yet, you are still reading.

(Compiled by a believer in the Sticks and Stones approach to life who also happens to be rather brittle. Please don't hurt me).

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