Davenport

Davenport IM Football has undergone surgery this season and emerged with a new look and a decent squad. And indeed, one athletic IM secretary did go to the hospital for stitches after diving dramatically and heroically for a game-winning touchdown (not caught) during a game in the Upper Courtyard earlier this year. Note: trees are immovable, solid objects.

Anyway, gone are the days of not understanding the West Coast Razzle-Dazzle Offense. And we've officially dismissed the patented "sieve defense" that undid us so often. But now, thanks to the mandatory ball-handling practices that captain Sam "I've got a" Hendel "of vodka in my room for the froshgirls" '03 has instituted and because Joe "I plan to be the" Thorn "in your side"-ton '03 has been throwing bombs like a slap-happy grenadier, we have begun to win. And with Steve "I'll watch you grieve" Mitchell "after I score another TD" '04 and Jeff "Screw the Ref" Goldberg '04 abetting as alternate QBs, we have devised a recipe for success. All that's left to do is to send JP "not Morgan, duh, but" Christophe '04 or Andrew "Get Ruff, Get Tuff, I'm" Duff '02 or Adam "I should be playing for UGA" Schempp '03 down the line for the inevitable six points.

In coed, the same tactic is implemented. "O Heck-a, It's" Nneka Umeh '04, "Megan "I'm no vegan, but" O'Connor-"vore when it comes to destroying opposition" '05 and Ashley "I don't act rashly" Elsner '05 have all done D-port proud with their impressive combination of spirit, skill, and savvy. Furthermore, Mike "clearly not Kurt...seriously" Warner '04, Jon "Breakaway speed, but I don't like to run" Bettin '04, and Jon "I don't like to run" Sela '04 have razzled and dazzled.

And so, amidst the pure, beautiful, shady courtyards, Davenport has emerged from the doldrums in yet another sport to become the most legitimate of future contenders.

(Compiled by the stitchless one now).

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