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Calhoun
It may not feel like the holidays, since I have yet to wear my fleece pants and there are still girls "tanning" on Old Campus, but nevertheless, we in the 'Houn would like to spread some holiday joy and predictions for the new year. As of Tues., Nov. 27, Mother 'Houn was undefeated in winter sports. After Monday's spanking in women's hoops, Morse left crying like a rejected Sigma Chi brother. Led by our fearless captain Stephanie "Don't Tread on Me" Hinojosa '03, the 'Houn played and left Morse feeling both isolated and violated (even more than normal). Also in Monday action, men's volleyball slapped Morse around like red-headed stepchild, easily cleaning up in two games. Chuck "Emilio" Esteves '04, "Quick" Nick Rosic '04, and Will "Branford learn how to" Reid '04 traded in their bathing suits to contribute to the Calhoun talent and general attractiveness.And now for predictions. In water polo, 'Hounies will claim glory beyond their natural ability to look good in bathing suits. Tom "Please bend over my" Ni '03 returns his speed and strength to the squad while Master "of all I survey" Sledge looks to continue his dominating defense. In the immortal words of SNL's Sean Connery, we play it "rough, just like your mother likes it." Bowling will repeat its title with Alex Kass "anova" '03 at the helm. I should also probably say that every other college should avoid the embarrassment and just not come out to women's volleyball. And lastly, for the benefit of everyone in the IM hockey program, we in the 'Houn want to remind Pierson that figure skates are not allowed in the hockey rink, and we'd prefer if you stayed away from skating skirts as well.
(Compiled by a secretary who prefers not to tan on Old Campus in November.)
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